Quick question

[xlaurenx]

Struggling with urges to od tbh.

[one_step_closer]

Why do you think you're having urges to OD? What would the outcome be? It really can be overwhelming to be back home after having all the support hospital can give but it does get easier. How are things otherwise?

[xlaurenx]

Im currently in Hospital for a large od.


Mh have said i am ok to leave when medically fit. But i dont feel safe. They said if i try to leave they will Stop me .

[Elmer]

So you can go home when your treatment is done, but you don't want to go home because you don't feel safe but also you've mentioned going home against medical advice and the staff have said that you can't?

So don't go home against medical advice, and you'll be safe in hospital

[Pomegranate]

What would you like? To be re admitted? If so, did you tell them that?

[xlaurenx]

I am staying. As i have done quite a Bit of damage....

Idk what i want emma.

[Pomegranate]

I am glad you are staying. I hope they are treating you properly. Since you are staying, why don’t you ask to speak to psych liaison again? If nothing else it is someone to talk to about what must be quite confusing emotions re being so poorly.

[tamobhuuta]

Where are you now?

[Cedrus]

Really hope you’re ok x

[Elmer]

Hope they are taking care of you and you are recovering ok. Sorry to hear about the damage, that must be scary for you.

[Zurg]

Lauren, I hope you're still being taken care of. Even though the possibility of death might Seem vague and distant, the truth is that there is only so much a body is capable of handling. I know from myself that it is hard to really feel and see and understand the dangers of what we do when we feel alone and desperate. Even when i've been sitting with bleedings i couldn't stop, the thought and the reality of a possible death still seemed rather vague and distant. And almost like it didn't matter either Way if i died or survived.
Maybe you feel the same Way, i don't know. But i suspect you might….

When i feel indifferent about death, i'm usually not doing Well at all. Everything revolves around the feeling that i am unimportant and i don't matter. But sometimes, in a brief moment i feel like i manage to break the surface of the silence and madness and i realise that everything i believe about being unimportant and useless and a waste of space are echoes of my story, my experiences and memories. And even though life is unbearably difficult sometimes, the past of my life IS behind me now.

Even if no one has treated you very Well, even if most of what you know is neglect, it still doesn't mean that kindness doesn't exist. It doesn't mean that it wouldn't matter if you died.
You have been on these Forums for a long time. You've held on, you've been fighting and trying to see a future for yourself. It IS about there!!! Maybe not looking the same as most of your peers' futures, maybe the Foundations of it isn't based on the same dreams and milestones but that doesn't make it any less valuable!!!!

I hope you choose to keep on fighting. I hope someone Will come along and see you and be able to help you find the strength and courage to embrace everything you are. Someone who believes in you and values your life even during the times where you can't. Xx

[xlaurenx]

I have been out a week. I got really distressed and starting banging my head so Security was called. I spoke to a and e mh Team very briefly. I cant believe the damage i have done to myself

[Pomegranate]

What support do you have in place at the moment? Did psych liaison say or do anything helpful?

[xlaurenx]

There wasnt alot they could offer. I am already with a cmht, i have Therapy every week and Learning DBT skills from next week

[Pomegranate]

. I am sorry things are so crap! Are your bloods looking better now? I’m glad you are having regular therapy/support. Zurg and the others have some good advice and words that may be helpful :)

[xlaurenx]

I have no idea about my bloods they were still very high in hospital. I Need to speak to my gp tomorrow.

Im annoyed tbh i was **** Scared i would do sonething so i went to a and e before on the saturday. It kept me safe. But i Left after seeing mh and i still had the thoughts. On the sunday they were really strong and monday... I guess i decided what was going to Happen. But the Logic me would Never do what i did.

[Elmer]

I hope your bloods are getting closer to normal. How was speaking to the GP?

I think it's important to try to look at what happened as something you did in response to being really distressed, and while yes you do own the responsibility for it, it's also important to remember that it's not something you'd have done if things hadn't felt impossible, and you didn't mean for it to cause this damage. I know you're working on figuring out safer ways of coping, so hopefully this won't happen again.