Hitching a ride.

[fragile as glass]

Hey you, could SOMETHING not be organised for F?

It's not fair for you to put your life on complete hold like this, no matter how much you love and care for her. It's not healthy for you and if you are not healthy in mind and health you will be of little support to her.

I don't allow C to put his life on hold for me even though he's my carer officially now. He needs to let his hair down and get away from my situation occassionally.

If you REALLY stick your foot down to her support workers they may come up with another arrangement which will allow you to continue your course but have F still looked after. They need not know that if your ''threats'' (can't think of another word) don't work you'll give up your studying.

Plus what about family rallying round? Hers? Yours? Its a non-physical job to ''keep an eye on her for x amount of hours a day'' so even members of family with poor health could help. It could be a group amalgamation. One family member here, one there etc.

Staying at home 27/7 together is not healthy for either of you and she HAS TO START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for herself. Even if its baby steps. It may be your love and her familys love that holds her back (completely unintentionally, to you, to them, perhaps even to her)

I know my situation is different to yours but C and I would have killed each other by now if we were together all the time. When we are together for extended periods we snap at each other and argue etc. It can destroy a relationship.

I wish I could do more for you. I wish you lived nearer me so I could help you out with stuff more. But you know that whatever you decide (even if I don't agree with it) I will be there for you. Coz I love you and coz thats what friends do for each other.

Hugs (if you'll still take them after my reply!) xxxx

[MissAnonymous]

Course I'd take the hugs [hugs back], I know you have the best intentions, and I appreciate that you'd take a risk to try and help me.

I am not in a state to concentrate today so far even though I have eaten a little [still dizzy and not with it] I will have to reply later when I can take it all in properly and think about it.

There is so much I want to do, but I have not enough energy. Which reminds me, I need to remember my anti-biotics!

Thankyou for the replies and thankyou Gem too, its nice to know people care enough to read this!

xx

[All I know is falling.]

I really don't have many words now, but I love you lots & I'm here if you need anything.

I'll come back later and re-read and reply properly.

[fragile as glass]

If you are feeling unwell and dizzy then you need, no , MUST eat SOMETHING. Anything that slips down easy and brings your blood sugars up and gives you some energy.

You really need to get it into your head that when you feel ill there is a link.

FEELING ILL MEANS YOU NEED TO FEED YOURSELF EVEN IF ITS ONLY SMALL

Don't forget those anti-biotics! I have taken a turn for the worse this pm (you know I've been ill) and I'm still FORCING myself to drink because eating is making me roll round in pain then get the squits (sorry!)

End of hijack!

You know where I am. Remember things like Lucozade and glucose powder which you put in your drinks (any drinks). Some drinks will give you that bit more energy but please don't get addicted to Red Bull - I know a girl who did in the PICU and it ended up a banned substance - it made her so high she was a danger to herself and others.

Anyway, hugs and love xx

ps, if you stop treating F as an invalid who can't do much for herself then she won't. If forced to take more responsibility she probably will. Its how they did it at my therapeutic community. And it worked. And I bet she's far more intelligent and able than given credit for.

xx

[Cedrus]

My concentration is poor, sorry MissA that I haven't read all of your thread, although I have been keeping an eye on it. The one thing that struck me as that I totally agree with what fragile as glass said on the first post of this page, it reminds me of how I felt during our conversation today when you spoke about the OU. You are such an intelligent woman and you deserve to be able to pursue university. Its hard, finding the balance between being a carer and looking after your own needs.

I know this. I find it hard when my mum constantly rings me or she is in hospital and I don't know whether to visit her or not. I remember my old school teacher/now friend once telling me that, 'if an airoplane was about to crash and you were with your child, would you put there oxygen mask on first, or yours?' the answer should be yours, because how can you look after your child if you cant look after yourself. You have to put your needs first sometimes. I think going to uni would help with the ED if I'm frank, it would give you some positive reinforcement. You need to get the balance right with you and F and like fragile as glass said, she needs to take some reponsbility, things cant carry on like this forever, you cant both stay in these same roles otherwise nothing will progress, nothing will change.

I know I digressed from your eating issues, and I am not dismissing them, but i believe this is something important and therefore should be on your support thread.

Love you SO much x x

[fragile as glass]

The success rate of making people take responsibility for their actions was very, very high at this unit. You may be responsibe FOR her TO AN EXTENT but NOT FOR HER BEHAVIOURS (not meaning naughty girl but mental health problems).

Most people who came to the unit expected mollycoddling, got none, had a fright that they would have to take control of themselves and not have staff police them (which, sorry honey but she is policed but I know you do it with the best of intentions).

The success rate was so good here that it had country wide recognition. It does work. It can work. When a relationship is so out of balance it can cause difficulties. The pair of you are meant to be partners, not doctor/patient. And I know you love each other very much.