losing all my coping methods

[Anony_mousey]

So I've been trying to not only stop hurting myself but also stop thinking about hurting myself. I used to write poems until I was told how s*** I was at that and how stupid I was wasting everyones time when I decided to share one poem at a school charity event. Long story short I got pretty close to ending it all. Then I found art a great way to express myself until I was told I should go destroy my whole folder of work, I was never going to pass my art exam it was all so terrible. That was when I started becoming addicted to sh. Then I started making posters about reaching out for support because I want to work in advertising when I'm older, so making them helped both my skills and was a way to release my feelings, my mum found one and thought it was stupid to be writing about that kinda thing (she hates sh and thinks its stupid so yeah she's being kinda b****y about me you-know-what-ing) and has threw it out without giving me a chance to explain. I feel so stupid that every time I try to find a way to cope I get told its stupid, that I'm no good at it, that I'm a failure. It makes me so trigerred and I feel like an even bigger failure. I honestly don't know what to do I don't even know if I want to stop hurting myself anymore, maybe I don't deserve to stop, maybe life just wants me to end it all. Maybe what I always said as a child is true, "I don't know where I'll be in the future, I don't know if I'll even be alive in a few years"

[crazykat]

It's great that you want to stop and are looking at alternative coping strategies. What about also looking at the reasons behind your self-harm? I could be wrong but the sense of being a failure seems to lead you down the self-harm route. Perhaps exploring that with someone like a therapist could help.

I'm sorry that you have lost that passion for the things you once loved like your writing by someone's cruel words. Don't let someone else take away your passion, don't let someone else define whether your good enough or not. It shouldn't be about whether it is good enough or not it should be about whether it helps you or not or if you enjoy it.

It is understandable if that is too painful to go back to though but just wanted to let you know you shouldn't lose your passion due to others careless words. I think you should hold onto those as possible strategies but I also think that you would find it helpful to expand upon the strategies you use. Some things you could use are holding ice, doing some form of physical activity, ripping up magazines or paper, watch a funny video etc. Best of luck