I'm not saying that my dying will bring any form of justice for her. It won't.
I'm just frustrated that it's waht 4 months till it will be around 3 years since Frankie's death and no justice yet.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : *could trigger*
Back story, i'm not going to go into many details but the treatment place she committed suicide there. And the CPS are looking at Corporate Manslaughter charges against the organisation.
If tomorrow is as bad as today I really can not see how there is a way through all of this. I'm trying to hold on...
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I'm so sorry you're hurting this much. I can only begin to imagine how hard it must be without Frankie, and knowing that the justice you want hasn't happened. That doesn't mean that nothing will ever happen, though. Can you try to remind yourself that Frankie would want you to get through this and feel okay again? She'd want you to live. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but I totally believe that you can do this.
I think you're doing so well. I know that doesn't mean that everything is fine, but you have made so much progress. The fact that you haven't ended up in hospital and that you're using so many positive ways of coping is AMAZING. I honestly think it will pay off. You've had so, so much to deal with, and you are so strong to still be carrying on and even thinking about things like volunteering and work!
That doesn't mean you can do it on your own though. If things don't feel any better tomorrow (or even if you're not safe tonight) can you contact someone - your CC or speak to the duty worker, or call crisis or even a helpline if it's out of hours? Just look after yourself and be safe lovely. Keep hanging on - hopefully the new medication will help a bit, so it's worth seeing if it makes a difference.
Thinking of you and always here if there's anything I can do to help <3
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Tongiht os a ightmre.
my mid wont slow dow.
Evertyhing is just rinning into one.
I know what rges I have to do ext will at the vry least will sevrly injour me, if not deatg. I dont want to dye as suc rigjt now. I just want a break; Bu i's half ecited for it and the other half i just spilt beween be==not caring and bieng really scared for everyone around me.
Maybe if I was just to drip a bit of th =e poision it wouldn't bae that bad harm and I' feel like I had fighted against my demons or something xx#
I'm scared of phoning services, any encourage would be much appreciae lovelies <3
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I'm sorry things are so difficult I truly believe you are stronger than you think you are. No real words of advice atm but thinking of you, I care, and I know you can get through this.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
How are you this morning lovely? I really hope you're safe. Please reach out for help if not. Thinking of you.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I guess I have one question and when is it appropriate to get in contact with out of hours?
I always always dread doing so, so I need to know it's the right this iif it I were to chose to do it. Especially as I've had some shitty experience from out of ours and A&E. So it's rather dauntying to even think about. I just don't want that situation to make me ten times wores as it has down in the past.
Why is getting support such a complecting matter... *rolls eyes*
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I'm still unsure when it is appopriate to get n touch wth mh out of hours helpine? Or whether NHS direct would be more helpful in a crisis.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : maybetriggerystuff
The women I mention below on several times told me didn't have the right to be upset about Frankies death... which obviously jst escalated things way way thuther. Others have been hrrible too.
It's just I've had so so so may bad experience mh out of hours to the poing that one person was barred from speaking to me and it wasn't even me who made the informal complaint. It was actually co-workers of hers. Thank god they record phone calls!
NHS direct have been much nicer thankfuuly.
I do feel somwhat unsafe.
I am concerned how the past fe evening has gone. It ashameds me to sau this but I keep driking alcholol to get thtough it all.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
You're not whining lovely. You're distressed and you're having a hard time and it is more than okay to need a bit of help to get through it. You are dealing with so much, it's totally understandable that you're feeling like this. *gentle hugs* Please do reach out for help. I'm sorry you have had such bad experiences in the past, that's really awful, but it won't necessarily be like that this time.
Thinking of you and here if you need someone <3
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I just get the feeling I SHOULD be better by now. I feel so guilty of all the tax payers money that has been used for my care. My mum who knows this, commented the other day on how much money I get. And she is right. But it just re-inforces my beliefs. That I've not contributed to society by working.
Yes I've done a lot of voluntary work, probably about 10 yrs worth. But still. I just feel a drain on society.
And I'm sat here again been drinking since about 10 *headdesk*
I know it's bad I just need something.
I have been trying hard and done some positive stuff which I will share late as got to get ready for M coming soon.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
There's more than one way to contribute to society. Volunteering is a massive contribution.
My Mum and Dad, who both pay a lot of tax because of their incomes, say that they are perfectly happy that their money goes towards looking after people who need it (including me). They said they'd pay for that any time, and that's it's things like MP expenses and things that they begrudge. I think a lot of people feel the same way. I do get where you're coming from because I often feel the same, but other people don't judge us in the cruel way we judge ourselves.
Thinking of you.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
