I'm sorry.
Everyone said I looked like you, that you live through me that way.
And what do I ****ing do to myself?
You'd hate to see this. I hope you can't.
I ****ING MISS YOU.
COME HOME, PLEASE.
I LOVE you.
I really ****ing LOVED you mum.
was it really worth it?
asphyxia and peach roses, really?
no one understands,
only you.
only you.
i just want you to come and hug the pain ok, cause we'd have been alright, i know we would mum. i don't know anything anymore.
i know things weren't great and i was a **** and i didn't know how lucky i was, but i did love you. i never thought you'd leave me, i knew you'd always be there. but where are you now, when i need you most?
i need to see you so badly.
it'll be christmas soon, and then our birthdays.. how am i meant to do that?
****, how am i meant to do tomorrow?
people don't understand how 7 months is no where near enough time to get over this. i'll never get over you.
i'll have pe tomorrow with a ****ed up arm. i'll bandage it up and act like i sprained it or something, so they won't see. but i can't act much now. i run out crying every sunday night. people don't get the significance, but you do.
couldn't you have waited til morning? i know monday mornings suck, but its a tad extreme no..
i would have ran to that ****ing hospital.
but i wasn't, i was walking in some ****ing muddy piece of country **** with dad and john and sarah and no one told me. but i'd have come running. done anything. it would have been ok.
what am i supposed to do without you?
i love you.
so so much.
and i think a part of me is dying too.
i guess that part is you.
sweet dreams mummy<3 x x x x x x x
"Trust your ♥ if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk b a c k w a r d s"
“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”
Love you so much. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
"Trust your ♥ if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk b a c k w a r d s"
15 years, huh? It feels so much longer. I always try to think back to any memories I have of you, and wonder to myself if you'd be proud of me, if you'd have accepted me. And the answer to that, I know, is no. But I'm working on it, and I won't rest 'til I've made myself into something to be proud of...
Your kids are a mess, nana, I won't lie to you; they need you to come and bang their heads together and get them sorted. And uncle A, I think he needs you most right now. The more I think about it, the more I see how important you were to them, and how they've just been slowly falling apart since you left us... *shrugs* I don't know..
I promise I'll try to visit your grave tomorrow <3
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
You were in my dream last night, it was scary.
All of it was scary, then when I saw your face. It scared me more.
you were a little older which was odd. You were four when he killed you.
So how can I see you at about 10?
It was scary.
I wish you were alive.
Grandma? I just wish I could have met you, talked to you, hugged you.
My daddy told me that you had tried to kill yourself, that you were an alcoholic and drug user. Would you have been able to help me?
Grandma, I'm scared. I wish you were here.
It will be 8 years on tuesday since you passed.
We miss you more than every nan Ivy.
I used to come see you everyday after school and everyday i used to get in trouble but you know what i wouldn't of had it any other way!
It was on a saturday you died, i remember that day soo well.
I remember when mum got the phone call and how we both called.
You were more than just my great nan, you were a great friend.
I'm glad you got to be with grandad like you had wanted for 5 years.
nan misses you soo much, we all do.
You was the person who held this family together and now your not around the family isn't what it used to be.
I wish you had been here to see Joe and Lian grow up, they are two great kids but they don't really know you you was because they don't remember you and when we spoke of you they laugh at our stories but i don't think they feel the connection i felt with you.
I was the oldest great granchild but i just wish they had one day with you that they would remember.
I'll never forget you nan because you meant sooo much to me and that will never change.
Why have i not been to your grave, well because i don't have it in me.
When you died it hurt real bad but i got my last goodbye and in a way i don't want to bring up the bad feelings again.
I think of you everyday and that will never change nan.
love you loads.
rest in peace
xxxxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Hi Lucy,
I hope you can see the snow.
Do you remember when it snowed in Jan 2003.... i do.
We got to bus to school together but as you and your sister were walking to the bus stop you both fall over and i just remember how much you laughed about it!
I miss them days soo much, it was a load of fun at school and then we got sent home half - day which was great because we got to play out in the snow!
missing you loads Lucy Locket!
xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Do you remember that other snowday? Dad skipped work so we were all home together, and we made that snowman and had that huge snowball fight in the garden? Do you?
I guess you've got the best view of all those dancing snowflakes now, Mum. It must be beautiful.
I hate winter now though. It'll be Christmas without you, then New Years. I don't want to start another year without you. Then our birthdays. And you're not coming back.
Please come back.
I went to see the shrink yesterday. Told her everything. I think she's worried, she wants to see me every week now. I told her about s/h and suicidal thoughts. She says she'll help me find better ways to cope. I don't know if she can Mummy.
I just want to talk to you. To hug you. To see you smile.
We could runaway if you'd like. We wouldn't have to ever come back.
I love & miss you so so much.
Big hugs and love<3 x x x x x x x
"Trust your ♥ if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk b a c k w a r d s"
I dreamt about you both last night. Mum, you came back from the dead and were all horrible and yellow. I had been in a car crash but wasn't hurt so you tried to break my ankle. Dad, you were still alive, it was nice.
I miss you both so much.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
hey mr martin:) how are things? I am so sorry me and lester cant be there for you today, I wish we could come sit with you for a while... I miss you so damn much and I am sure your brother does too:(
please keep being strong and I hope you have found jackie - I know she will be looking after you for me if you have
3 months today... it feels like it was just yesterday when you were tipping igloos with lester! and eating my clothes too:p
I love you so much
R.I.P mr martin
I will never forget you!!!
xxx
sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙~
my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10
Rest In Peace sweetheart.
I know you tried to recover, but anorexia had taken you too far.
We all miss you in our flats.
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
it was your funeral today, its finally made it sink in ,that you and grandad are gone. I know what brian said bout you being free now is true but, i miss my gran. hope you liked your flowers RIP xxxx
Tomorrow is going to be the most difficult day of my life. I don't want it to be real, I don't want to believe that you're gone.
I loved you so much and I never told you enough how much you meant to me. As much a brother to me as any flesh and blood.
You fought so hard all your life to stay with us, I'm so grateful to you for saving my sister, for showing her that love is real, that it can save us. I'm so grateful for the two beautiful little boys you gave us. They are the image of you, I see you in them everyday. You are the most courageous person I've ever known. You made everyday count, you never let your condition bring you down, you always had a smile on your face. You are an inspiration to so many.
We're so proud of you, we're lost without you but we will make you proud of us. I will be there for your family. They are my family. We'll get through this together.
I know you're watching us, I know you're still with us and I pray that you never leave.
You will be missed by so many, I hope that you can see how many people have been touched by your passing, I hope you know how much you were loved.
Never forget. Love you always xxxxxx
11/1/73-26/11/10
RBT x
I give myself very good advice
But I very seldom follow it
Could explain the trouble that I'm always in...
