I just relapsed....

[marimar]

I feel awful, sad, why did i do this.....

[Unbreakable.]

Are you still under the ED treatment team?
Maybe they can put some extra support int place.

Did something in particular trigger the relapse?

[marimar]

Hi thanks for your reply. No, i'm not under ed treatment now as i moved twice in the last 6 months and only settled down recentrly in a new country.
I dont know what happened really. I've been feeling a bit down last few weeks as it seems like i'm running in circules: work, exams, work, exams and ocasional holiday . No personal life and no love life in who knows how long (sad really). Plus total lack of energy the last 10days or so - not that it was much better before. And i just started feeling like there's no point anyway, if i eat, restrict, look one way or the other, exercise or not, i always feel empty inside.
I dont even know how to talk about this as i should be really happy now. I have this great job in a city i could only dream of living, i passed my exam and have one more to go but it doesn't make me happy. I feel empty inside.
Hm... guess this triggered my relapse. I just dont know how to go about and deal with this feelings. I stayed at home today as i cant make myself get up and go to work. Any support oe just kind words would be appreciated. Thanks

[Unbreakable.]

That is a lot to have to deal with.
Uprooting yourself and settling somewhere else is hard, even when it's something you're excited about.

I would urge you to go see a GP.
I understand talking is hard, but the alternative is way worse. You could just copy some of the things you said in your post and show it to them.

[marimar]

Thanks for the encouragement. I went and registered today but first available appointment is on the 1st of Feb. So i'll have to deal with this somehow on my own.
I'd just like if i could be more positive for once and able to lift myself up and enjoy life. But it's so hard and i dont have any support here.
My flatmate is nice but i dont know him that much and cant open about this. He told me yesterday over dinner that i either have depression or anorexia because it's not possible that someone eats the same things every single day. I didnt say anything, just kind of changed the topic but he's right. I went back to eating same things every day, afraid of intorducing other food, enjoying more to eat alone than with other people. And i dont know why and how to stop it this time round.
I do feel a bit better today as i made myself get up and go out. But this is not solution, it's just a temporary get away...

[marimar]

hi. it's Sunday again and I relapsed last 2 Sundays. Just wanted to say that I'm determined not to relapse today and maybe if I share it here, i'll feel more liable and actually not do it.
I also managed to get a gp appointment and she's supposed to refer me to an ed clinic. she mentioned few clinics but I don't know which one she'll refer me in the end. I'm also new to London so I don't actually know which clinics exist and if they are any good. Could anyone recommend a good clinic for adults with ED? I'd really appreciate it