Im not coping, basically.
Everything i used to feel when i was at my worst is back. All the ED behaviours are back and my head is telling me to start SH again also.
My friends don't seem to want anything to do with me, unless its beneficial to them.
My family don't seem to want me back, i am just getting in the way, but i can't move out as a have no money until i get a job.(which i am currently looking for)
I guess i just dont know what to do, when i lived in England i knew i had someone to talk to, even if it meant sitting down with my boss(who was more like a mother to us) but here, my best friend is scared of conflict and in turn anything that brings up some kind of emotion in someone and gets awkward if you try and talk to her and my other close friend is rather...self centered.
My family is out of the question and my old doctor(who was also a family friend) has recently been diagnosed with cancer and is no longer practicing.
Probably not related but im also feeling really sick all the time, any food makes me feel physically ill, stomach feels as though its bruised and neck/back/legs/arms all feel really heavy and sore.
Which makes getting out of bed seem like the worst idea ever.
It might be worth it though, gorgeous. I know you had an awful time with Drs over here and you're sick of explaining yourself
and no one taking your seriously, but I promise not all Drs are like that.
I wish I could do more to help baby, you know I'm just a Skype phone call away >_<
I loves you, lots.
Xx
I'm sorry your feeling so low... I must agree, thinking about seeing another doctor is a good idea. I don't really have much advice, I'm sorry, i just wanted to make sure you know you are not alone...
Stay strong, Kia <3
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears...
And to top it all off, i've just received texts from one of my close friends basically saying i'm selfish and making her feel bad and telling her she puts no effort in.
People can easily say things to hurt others when they are feeling bad. Others often are just generally insensitive. Or even just don't realise how much it hurts... I in no way say that means it's okay to do or that it will hurt any less but it doesn't make it true.
Please don't fall into the trap of thinking what others say and think is correct...
Your not alone, Kia <3
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears...
sweetheart,
You dont need to feel like this.
im going through the same problem with my friends i confide in. Some of them understand wht i go through, but then they tell me im selfish and should just listen to what they say and try and change.
Im telling you (and you obviously would know) its not that easy.
Its hard to see something to get up for each day, hard to find the good in things. but, really, try this
One of my friends advised me to do one thing each day, for someone else...whether it be smiling at someone, helping someone up...or just simply laughing at someones lame jokes...slowly build yourself up, see if that helps.
Im not saying it will, but it really might :)
By the way, do your family know? You might be surprised, maybe just one member you're close to can change everything...but then maybe not, but you dont know unless you try.
Also, with how you were saying you were feeling unwell, yes that is also part of it...you feel mentally unwell, and your body just does as well...dont punish yourself like that either.
You're a beautiful, strong, magnificent person
Love you Bee. You might have to bite the bullet and go to another doctor. It could help you, or at the very least you'll have someone who knows what's going on.
