keep fighting mate!
First thing hun, I can assure that it's not that professionals "don't want" to help you. Your situation is a tricky one, unfortunately hospital admission and immediate help is hard to find and yes, again unfortunately, it depends on weight and makes no helpful sense.
It holds the same logic as gastric surgery; if you are overweight you can get NHS gastric surgery. BUT, you have to be a certain weight to get it....so people gain weight to achieve goals. ED treatment is similar, you need to be a certain weight for certain help options, and people lose weight to get this help.
It's not a great system.
But, yes, any eating disorder is hard to overcome, but it is 100% possible, even without intense support from a service. I'll admit, the ED thoughts may not ever go away, for a lot of people (including me) they linger forever. What changes is your ability to process/ignore/allow them. That 'powerful ED voice' will be there, but it will be powerless and easy to defeat.
The bottom line is; if you feel like you need help then you need help, no matter where it is from, accept it. Help grows and builds around you.
Just cause you are not suitable for an ED service doesn't mean that you are helpless. There are so many services. All I'll say is; you can help you. You are in charge.
Just keep persisting.
Sorry I can't solve you xx
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