It's my first time actually writting a thread.... :s suppose lately i've just been watching and wanting to post so much but not knowing what to say....
i get stuck nothing comes out just a whole load of **** going around and around in my head and the only way to get it out is to cut!! (but never deep enuff i feel)
im scared.... im home from my ip unit... from 2day until... the morning of the 27th... so badly i want to restrict so... i will lose weight... but then i know when i do go back and start eating their meal plan my weight will fly up... thats what its been doing ... up down up down.... and i hate to see it on the chart... the downs delight me... but not enuff and the up's disgust me!!!
so.. yeah... home for xmas.... and i just know my parents are gonna be watching me like a hawk!!! i can't deal with this im terrified....
and last weekend my uncle took me to get a tattoo.... he'll want to see it (coz he wasn't actually in the room when i got it done) but the scars... what will i say... ?? i don't want him to be disappointed in me...
and..... i've gotta go to my grandma's who i haven't seen in like AGES!!! she doesn't know about me.... stupid cow doesn't know its my 2nd ip stay... she knows nothing... what am i gonna say when she asks me what i've been doing... "well grandma actually im a bloody anorexic that is ****ing up mine and my family's life... and actually it's my 2nd stay in a shitty hospital where i gain weight .... and then lose it all again.. by the way how are you?"
not exactly great conversation is it......??
i am so so so sorry about my rant (oh... yeah just to let you all know i have a thing about apologising....im always doing it) anyways
hope everyone's christmas goes ok - i really do hope soo....!!!!
Awwww sweetheart *massive cuddly hugs*
You know you can always post it does not matter what about.
And remember I am always here for you sweetie 24/7 you have my number and my email, so anytime you need me just pick up the phone babe.
Remember soon you will have me in that hospital with you, so wen get through it together.
I know Cristmas is hard for you and it sounds very overwhelming....
Im sorry about your scars I know what that is like too, and im sure your family, if they find out they should understand...
Love you babe
take care
Sammi
xxxx
Oh sweetie...
I don't know what to say atm,
I just wanted you to know I'll be thinking of you.
I send all of my strength to you...
Christmas will be over before you know it.
Take care,
Jayne
xxx
Well content loves the silence, It thrives in the dark, With fine winding tendrils,That strangle the heart,
They say that promises sweeten the blow, But I don't need them, No, I don't need them...
Your very welcome sweetheart....
PM/text/msn/Call anytime babe
See you soon
Try and have a nice christmas?
Thinking of you
Love Sammi
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
*cuddles*
For Christmas try to think of it as just one day out of 365. Try not to push yourself out of your comfort zone too much, please do eat something, but maybe having mostly vegetables on your plate and only a little of the other stuff would help?
I'm sorry I can't offer much more help and advice really sweetheart, but try not to stress yourself out too much. Christmas is a time to enjoy being around your family, try not to let a meal ruin that.
Take care and I hope you have a nice christmas too <3
The meal is only a small part of the day hun, I know it seems big but the MOST important thing is to have a good day and enjoy being with your family. Don't let one bit of it ruin the whole day hun, once it's over it's over and you wont have to worry about it for another 364 days ^^
I hope you have a WONDERFUL day (and get lots of lovely presents, they always help ^^)
*cuddle*
You'll be ok hun
sarah
xxxxxx
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
Christmas always seems like a hard time...Im sorry that you're going through a rough time at the moment...i dont have the best words to say right now, but i just wanted to let you know that im here if you need to talk..anytime.
