I just wanted to say that I don't think it's our history of what experiences we have all had that matters.
I think what is important - more than anything - is that we are all trying to make our future's better - no matter how young or old we are. We are trying here to make steps towards a goal that sometimes seems impossible - but at least we are trying to make those steps and we all need to remember that and give ourselves a pat on the back for it.
I just also wanted to mention that don't take everything on here as the total truth. Yep, it may be true, but people may exaggerate (potentially through no fault of their own but through their illness) about the extent of the damage done. Others may also be in denial. Also, however much damage someone is doing to themselves or however little, people still need help and support.
The fact that you're likely to be going into hospital is a sign that this is serious, no matter what else is said on the forum.
There are also certain posts in the Mental Health Forum that make me think that it is slightly competitive. I'm not sure how things would change though, does anyone have any ideas? x
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i do have to say it also feels like if you've never been admitted to hospital you don't have a problem, at least thats the feeling im getting (im sure its not just me).
^^ I've only been admitted once & I can relate to that feeling a bit too...
A lot of people seem to sort of brag about it in a way.
Or are proud of it?
Or something like that.
But it also seems like I mustn't be "that ill" because I haven't been *so and so*.
well yeah, i mean i've never been admitted and i've never been diagnosed with anything because the nhs/camhs are **** in my area, plus the fact i wasn't exactly honest with them because they were ****. however i still self harm badly and should probably get stitches everytime i do, but i dont.
therefore just because of that i feel like im a fake, i've not been diagnosed and no hospital. i see all these people saying 'im going into hospital' and im just like. great. okay. cool. im a fake.
i dunno, i guess it's just like. 'do you really have to go into hospital to be ill?'
I think it's always ging to be like that though. It's not an objective, "i you haven't been admitted to hospital.." I mean, you'll feel that way if you haven't had stitches. You get them. Then you'll feel like it's not enough if you haven't been in hospitcal for an OD. Then you are and you'll feel like it's not enough unless you're sectioned, and so on and so on. And it's not just because of RYL because let's face it, how many of us were competing with ourselves before we even joined?
I'm not saying the competition isn't real, it is, I've noticed it too. I don't know what would help. And I'm not sure what makes it so bad on RYL. I'm a member of a couple of other forums though I don't use them so much, and it isn't the case there. But they're depression / MH oriented so I guess it's partly that RYL is focused on the behaviour, the externals? An also that it's made up largely of younger people?
I have no idea what would help though. But yes I agree it's a problem.
^ void., that's something I've been kind of pondering just now on my thread. The difference between the external self harming behaviour severity v. severity of other symptoms/indicators of distress etc.
i do have to say it also feels like if you've never been admitted to hospital you don't have a problem, at least thats the feeling im getting (im sure its not just me).
I have never been admitted either, and never sh to the point of needing a hospital. That doesn't mean the pain I'm in is any less than anyone else. I just communicate it differently. I do feel there is almost a sense of pride for some about their hospital admissions. It's not big, not clever, and definitely not cool. You aren't going to get any status for bragging about it.
I'm really, really tired so I apologise if this does not make sense.
I was thinking of this today and I think there's a competitive atmosphere but also it depends on how you interpret things. Like, even in your post Tiff you say you seem like a fake but you also mention you should get stitches... I did not used to need stitches when I did self harm, but I don't read into that making me a fake or less unwell... it just means we are different. Same when I am on the ED board and people are being put into hospital, I am not, but it doesn't make my illness any less.
That said, it helps to get validation that what you are going through is real, and if that can't come from inside then it should come from family & friends and here and anyone you can talk too.
Everyone here is struggling, that's why we're here.
So while I think the competitive atmosphere is bad, and anything we can do to eliminate it is good, I also think we have to look at our own thoughts too and remember that everyone all have very different pasts, presents, and futures and step back before you take what other people are going through and compare it with yourself. It takes practice, not always easy but it's worth it.
And void. is right, if not with a website, you'll compete with yourself too.
Also as Heidi said, people do speak out (in a polite manner) against these sorts of posts sometimes, maybe it's a wake up call, I don't know, but she's right in that the members make it what it is, I suppose what can we do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi
There is definately a competitiveness on this site, however I do also think there is some backlash against that. There are members pointing out when things are unhelpful and competitiveness and I see that as a very positive thing. Ultimately this site is only as helpful as it's members are so I think we all have a responsibility to speak out against the things that they find uncomfortable.
The more I think about this the more confused I get about how to solve the problem. Because recently I had my first admisson to a psych ward, I needed to talk about it with people. This is because it was a really terrifying experience for me, everything was spiralling out of control and an admission was last chance saloon after exausting all other options where I could have stayed in the community. Having reassurance from members on here that they had been through the same and that it wasn't that bad, even practical tips such as what you can and can't take on the ward, all that was invaluable to me and meant I was that little bit less anxious about the situation.
So realistically we can't ban people from talking about these experiences because they are issues people need support for. It tends to be the non-support threads on these things that inspire most competition from my point of view, for example "what meds have you been on?", "What have you been diagnosed with?" and "What hospital have you been in". I'm not really sure of the usefulness of such threads, but then aren't convinced banning them is a good idea either.
Maybe we need more other threads of, e.g. How can you cope at school when you want to self harm? What helps you when you feel vulnerable at work? How do you cope with a psychotic episode on the bus? How do you know when you need meds, when you don't need meds? That way there's more of a balance.
Oh I like that idea!
It sounds very inclusive, but also incredibly useful. After all the ultimate goal for everyone is to learn to cope with their difficulties whilst in a normal environment.
*shakes head* I don't think Aimee meant you to feel bad or for you to feel the need to apologise. Looking at Aimee's comment though I can see how I have done this to an extent without realising though.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
