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Four months down the drain
I'm a bit, well a lot mad at myself tonight. I was four months clean, in a few days it would have been five months. But I just Uh, I couldn't stop myself from getting lost in thought. I feel like I have no right to be depressed, I feel like since I'm 21 I should have my stuff together. I guess that comes from being told to get over it from everyone. I'm clinically depressed, I think pills would work but my mother said she'd be too sad to see how they affect me so I don't take them. I just, I thought I was over this I thought since I had a job now, and could actually save up I'd stop being a baby and get my act right! I just I don't know I'm tired of being sad, but I'm not doing it on purpose or for attention. My life isn't even bad anymore, it's quite enjoyable really. So why am I still so broken? Please I just want to be normal I just want to live to actually live, not just get up and go through motions for the day. I don't want to give up I really don't but how long before I can wake up and feel alive? I'm sorry for making this stupid post I apologize for my whining.
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