what to do next

[Phil]

Hello,

well i dunno why im writing this but i will anyway,

Were to start,
Well my heads all over the place, dunno what to do.
I feel alown, even tho people say you arnt, i still feel its the truth. I have a partner who i love to bits but causes me, what feels like hurt then anything else. I just get paranoid about what shes upto when im not there. I know its paranoa after i calm down but when i start thinking it i cant seem to get the thoughts out my head.
I just got out of prison for punching somone that beat my sister up and to be honist i dont think i want to be out. the only reason i wannted to be out was for my partner, she stood by me and i am really gratefull for that but like i said i just feel sad more then happy. We used to live together but things got to much and we were arguing all the time. now nothings are day off day on during the week which just makes me more paranoid when im not with her. I do self harm by cutting myself, this has become a big problem as they are getting deaper every time. I tryed to hang myself in prison because of how i feel but they stopped me, when they did i just broke down. never cryed so much. the nurses just cuddled me and i felt somwhat secure. I just dont know what i want, to me dead, to get myself sorted. i dont know. iv been trying for about 4 year to get myself sorted, this including profeshinal help but things just seem to get worse. the smallest things, like the post not coming just makes me feel low and anxious. I lost my friends because of the way things are, I only have one true friend left and i try to see him as little as posiable because i dont want him to worrie. writing this just thinking about things is making me shake and i can feel my eyes starting to water. I really dont know what to do anyway. I just feel like iv tryed everything.

[BeautifulMess]

Hey, Phil =)

There's no shame in crying, if it makes you feel better and it stops you cutting then let the tears flow. Sometimes hugs are better than any conversation.

I know it's hard to cope when you think someone close to you is doing things behind your back but take a deep breath and a step back to put things into perspective. Consider the situation rationally. If your partner means so much to you, show her, tell her, let her know how you feel. It's better to let your feelings out than to keep them locked up inside you.

Professional help can take a long time to have an affect. I've been having counseling for a year and a half and I'm only just starting to see things getting better. Give it time. It's important that you don't put too much pressure on yourself because that'll only make things worse. You've been through some very rough times, of course recovery will be difficult. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. Things can always get better.

Keep trying, don't give up now and put all that work to waste. You can get better.



Stay strong,




Naomi


xx

[susieannah]

I don't have many words at the moment but I wanted to send you some supportive hugs and let you know I'm thinking of you x

[Spirit of an Angel]

hi phil
with the right help and support you can do this at some point in our trouble life we need extra support we are here to support and its right to have a good cry just because your a man your not inmune to not cry it will help you so have a good cry we are here for you.


free spirit