Being "locked up" isn't so bad. I spent the month of October in the hospital because I was suicidal, and basically you have round the clock care, people to talk to every day (doctors who assess you daily and nurses who are there whenever you need them and even when you don't), all your meals cooked for you, recreation facilities and when you are well enough, privileges to leave the ward. It's a safe place to be. Even the other patients are nice... Most are depressed just like you so they understand. It might just be the attention you need hon. Please consider it.
I think you should tell your psychologist of your definite plans and the time frame. Do you trust them? If not, can you call a crisis line? Where I live, there is a crisis line that you can call where people will come to you to provide crisis support... So you don't even have to go to a hospital. Is there anything like that near you?
I'm really worried about you. Please consider any other option than killing yourself. That would be terrible.
So what do you think? Does any of this sound do-able?
I'm too afraid to even consider being hospitalized. I mean what would I tell people at school. and How would I do everything for school. and all my extra stuff at school. like show choir. It would just mess up everything even more.
I'm cutting myself off from everybody. Even my psychologist. I've never heard of a crisis line.
All I want to do is kill myself. I feel like I should just go ahead and do it already and finally make it work out perfectly and not fail again.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
No no! There is still a better option. I missed 4 weeks of nursing school and people were so understanding and the teachers helped me to catch up. What if that could happen for you? You don't want to give up if that could have been a real blessing to you lov.
A crisis line is a place that you phone anonymously and you can talk to them about what's going on with you. If you open the front of your phone book there is a list of them or even google crisis lines in your city. They can be amazing people to talk to even if you never end up telling them who you are. They know so much and they care so much. It's their lifes passion to be there for people in trouble.
And you are in trouble... I'm really worried about you. I don't want you to give ip when there are other options, there is hope for you. I don't want you to die. You don't deserve to die. Please consider trying something else first. Even if it doesn't go well you are still in control. You decide for your life, no one else can. Not even in a hospital. Trust me I know from experience.
Oh cowgirl, you are on my mind tonight. Please be safe
But I'm in high school, nobody is gonna even care that I'm gone. let alone help me catch back up or keep up with stuff.
I still am planning on suicide. Sorry. Violet fer sure won't let me back down.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
Of course you would have support, and even if no one helped, you'd be alive, and that is worth more than anything.
Who is violet?
I'm sticking with what I said, your life is valuable... A teenager with a future, and a life to live. You matter. I don't want to hear that you killed yourself! Please reconsider.
Is it really? Being alive isn't worth much to me anymore.
Violet is another part of me! i know she's in my head. but she's real. I swear she's real. Sometimes she likes to take control too! And she always talks to me and whispers things. She's so angry sometimes though.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
Oh cowgirl, I still believe you were meant to be alive. I'm sorry that violet is mean. Have you talked to your doctor about her? You said you were afraid. This all sounds very distressing.
Thinking of you
I'm so terrified. You're going to think I'm mad but the devil is after me. I promised I'd kill myself on Wed or Thurs but if I don't he's going to kill me anyway.
Sprinkles! Are you ok? We've all done bad things at one time or another.. It doesn't mean you deserve to die. Do you want to talk about it??
Baggyjeans, how terrifying! I don't think you're mad. You need to talk to someone about this... Maybe a doctor or someone else who can help keep you safe. Talk to them NOW. Please don't wait till Wed or Thurs. I have a feeling a doctor can really help you. Whatever you do, don't listen to the devil!! Fight this!
Ps God is stronger than the devil.. Get on His side. But don't forget to tell someone. You really need to do that.
Hugs
I spoke to my mental health worker who came today but he wasn't very helpful at all. I suppose he tried his best to reason it out but I thought he'd actually "do" something to help. I'm seeing a woman mental health worker on Wednesday who knows my background more and I'm sure she can help me but Wednesday might just be too late. Don't know what to do!
The mental health worker who I spoke to this morning is supposed to be calling me back this afternoon so we can speak about it a bit more. I don't know if he'll call. It will surprise me if he does. I think he just wanted to get rid of me earlier.
I've spoken to my mum and dad so they know how I'm feeling. Mum's scared I'm going to get "taken away". Think they're hoping it will all go away. Didn't suggest I speak to anyone. Just kept saying that he can't harm me. He isn't real. But he is and he's going to come and get me if I don't kill myself! No-one seems to be listening to me or taking me seriously!
Thank you for taking me seriously though mum24!
This is a lovely thread, thank you for starting it.
I'm sorry so many of you are feeling so bad, I'm sending you all love and support, and around if anyone needs to talk.
baggyjeans, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this - I can understand, to some extent, how scary it is. I'm sorry you feel like no-one is taking it seriously - I think your parents probably don't know what to say or what to do for the best. Did the mental health worker call you back today? I hope so. If nothing is helping pease do call someone, go to hospital if you have to, just keep telling people until someone listens. They can help. I understand how terrifying it must be but there are lots of us who have felt similar but have survived. You can get through this.
Thank you Starling. He did actually call me, which surprised me. He didn't say a lot though. He just asked what I had been doing and said to put music on if the voices get too loud. He said we can talk tomorrow when he comes. I don't know what to say to make him understand. I've written it in my journal though. I've just spoken to my best friend and she has really helped. She said I can fight him and that I need to show him I am stronger than he is. I don't know how to do it and I'm terrified but I'll try to hold on.
Good baggyjeans. Your best friend sounds wise and I'm glad your mental health worker will call you back tomorrow. Keep journalling and posting here. We can be here for you.
Dear strawberry cola, I'm so sorry you feel so awful!! What has brought it on? Anything? Do you have plans to kill yourself? What's going on dear girl?
I have made plans, and the worse thing is I dont normally make plans, normally its just impulse, so this time Im really scared of myself. I dont know whats caused it, I think just a load of things have built up. Plus Ive been delusional recently, which is not helping :(
I feel so hopeless.
Im trying to hold on until I see my cpn on wednesday, but I dont honestly know if I can.
Can you call your Cpn today? Or call a crisis line? Or go to the hospital? The most important thing is your safety. I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there. How about your gp? Anybody that you can tell your plans to... It's really important!!
I dont know if my CPN is available with it being bank holidays. I would go to the hospital but I always think whats the point if you havnt done anything, I know thats the wrong way to think but you know. I have the crisis team but Im to scared to call them because I fear rejection. Paranoia issues. Plus I really dont want to be hospitilised, which is very likely to happen. So it seems best to just get on with it, you know.
