Hello again, I guess I’m back.

[Patch.]

Not sure if anyone remembers me from the old days. I’ve had long periods of wellness and I stepped away from RYL naturally.

So much has happened in that space of time.

I’ve been struggling quite badly for the past 6 months - ish and I guess I’m only just admitting it now.

I had long periods away from all medications. Even when I got unwell again in 2020 I got better on just an antidepressant.

I managed to avoid self harm and such for long periods of time.

I’ve had a shit year and I’ve become quite badly depressed again but I struggle to seek any kind of help. I went to my gp a month ago and was started on venlafaxine so still early days.

Thoughts of self harming again are creeping in. The days are hard and I’m finding I’m staying in bed most of the day, not really eating well, and everything’s an effort.


I guess I’m reaching out here because it’s easier.

[Auror.]

not good words to say at the moment but we do remember you for what that is worth

[one_step_closer]

Welcome back. I'm sorry you're struggling so much but things have been better before which means they can get better again. Has something happened recently that is causing you to struggle? Are there things you're not doing any more that have helped before? As you've said it's early days, please try to hold on to hope.

[Patch.]

Thank you Camden.

My dad died in October after a long battle with Alzheimer’s and in the last year he deteriorated so much and it was horrible to watch. There has been money worries which has added to the stress. So I guess I was already feeling a bit rubbish and then this happened and it’s kicked me down.
Having troubles conceiving and told we need IVF but they are making us jump through insane hoops to get there. It was a rubbish year.

[one_step_closer]

That sounds like a lot to cope with, I'm sorry there is so much going on. Do you get on well with your GP? Will you be seeing them again to have the Venlafaxine reviewed? Who do you have in your life for support?

[Patch.]

The GP who I spoke to about my mood has called me a couple times but since the dose has been upped I’ve not had a call. Which is fine, I don’t feel she needs to keep calling me. I have my hubby but he has just come out of a really tough situation himself while all this has been going on so I don’t want to worry him too much. He knows I’m feeling low.
Aside from that, no one.

[one_step_closer]

Do you feel like you need some more support? Maybe you and your hubby could be there for each other but I know it can be hard when you are close to someone.

[Patch.]

Thank you. You’re right and I think I maybe need to try and hide things less. Pretending is automatic with me due to how I was raised.

I’m on a night shift atm and I’m feeling so anxious but no idea why. I just can’t shut my brain up but can’t pinpoint a trigger

[one_step_closer]

I hope you can fight your instinct and have some safe and supportive interactions with your hubby. Of course it will take time and effort though. How was work?

[Patch.]

Work was ok thanks, I’ve been doing permanent nights lately to try and bring some money in. It’s difficult to concentrate at work but it’s really important I keep working.

I’ve told hubby about referral back to services. He knows I struggle to ask for help when I’m feeling bad as well. I know he is still struggling after all the shit that’s gone on too and trying to be there for him the best I can.

Hopefully I can book some annual leave soon as we still need to go back to Scotland to collect my dad’s ashes.


It was the anniversary of G’s dads death as well today so he’s not been in a great place.

[Pi.R^2]

Hey, I remember you :)

Welcome back, though of course sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much- sounds like you’ve had a really rotten time.

I’m so glad you told your husband about being referred back to services.

Hope you get your annual leave sorted soon. Even if it’s not for happy reasons, maybe the break will be helpful.