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Clashing
I'm currently not working. I don't have an impressive CV because I've been suffering with mental health difficulties since the age of 13. My husband and I recently moved into a room in my parents house. My dad also doesn't work because of his poor mental health.
My dad and I are responsible for taking care of the house and my mother and husband go out to work. I have no qualms doing housework, I contribute regularly.
Unfortunately, my mother and I are clashing. She often moans about how hard she has worked during the day. I understand the stresses of working, because I cannot cope with them myself. But I feel hurt when her criticisms are carried over to “the state of the house” or how weak I am, because I’m not able to work for a living.
The house is very clean and everything is kept immaculate. I contribute a great deal. I keep mine and my husband’s room tidy and keep up with jobs I do for us and jobs I do for the rest of the house.
I feel so upset about her comments. I don’t exactly feel as though I deserve to be praised for cooking or hovering or whatever, because it’s not that much of a big deal to me. But I don’t feel like I deserve her constant criticism because it‘s bringing me so low. I’d love her approval but unfortunately I think her opinion of me is that because I don’t work, I’m lazy and I need to be “corrected”.
I find it difficult to accept her criticisms because she herself does not contribute to the housework in any way. One example of this is that she can be aggressive about crumbs on a kitchen work surface that were not made by me or my husband and that I had not noticed yet (at 8am). But on the rare occasion that she makes herself lunch, she leaves crumbs everywhere.
I’m not being sarcastic, I’m not exaggerating. I don’t mind clearing up her crumbs because I understand she is busy… It’s just that her reaction is so unjustified. There’s no reason to overreact.
Does anyone have any advice? I don’t really think I could improve my standards any further because I’m doing so much already. I don’t want her to walk all over me, but conflict is impossible because I find it too damaging. Frankly, she’s so self righteous that she doesn’t take anything I say on board.
I think this issue must seem so small on a forum like this. It's not a really awful situation, I'm just struggling to keep positive. I just wondered if there’s anyone in a similar position. I’d like to know what others think they would do in my situation.
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