Want to cut right now

[Dull]

I joined this website just so I could post this. I've recently begun cutting again. I'm 23. I want to cut now but my boyfriend keeps finding my cuts and I don't want to freak him out anymore. He never seems freaked out, just concerned but I can't help but assume he finds the whole thing stupid and immature. I wish there was something I could do, I wish there was some secret part of my body that no one could ever see so I could cut myself whenever I need to.

[krazeevilturtle]

What's making you want to cut? Have you tried looking at the Big Distraction List?

[Dull]

I'm completely new to this so I' not really aware of what's available here. I honestly can't say what's specifically wrong right now. The reason why I like to self harm is because I'm usually so confused as to why I'm upset, after I self harm everything is more clear, and I feel like I can evaluate things in an unemotional, detached way. I can be really delusional, it seems to get worse when I don't cut. I just seem to associate cutting with sanity.

[krazeevilturtle]

This is the huge list: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index..._articleid=211

I personally prefer to answer random posts in the fun & distractions forum: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...splay.php?f=22

If you're confused about what's upsetting you, maybe you could try free association writing? (I think that's what it's called...) It's where you just write anything that pops into your head onto a piece of paper. Just keep writing until you feel calmer and then read over what you've written. Maybe that will help you figure out what's on your mind that is upsetting you?

I fully get what you mean about the post-SI clarity, but also remember that the same clarity will make you regret hurting yourself. Maybe something on the list will help you get there without hurting yourself.

[Dull]

Thanks for the suggestions. I used to write in a journal all the time to clear out my head. It's funny that I forgot about that option. Will definitely start writing again. Thanks again for your help :)

[krazeevilturtle]

Glad I could help :)

[PassedExpectations]

welcome to ryl :)

talking to other people can also help us sort through confusing feelings and thoughts, so you might find it helpful to talk to your boyfriend or someone else when you're feeling confused and wanting to harm. other people can help brainstorm and give insight, but sometimes all we really need is to say things aloud (or write them) for our brain to start to sift through and make sense of them