Am I faking?

[bluedusteyes]

I have too many scars. Years of doing this tends to accumulate scars. Yet...I struggle with feeling like I'm faking or blowing things out of proportion, being a drama queen (same with feeling "wannarexic" with my eating disorder).

Does anyone else struggle with this? I can't tell if it's because I've been dealing with it for so long that I'm used to it or what....is it a weird form of denial?

I just...I dunno...not even sure it makes any sense lol I just am having trouble feeling the urgency of the situation.

[Koriandr]

I don't think it's even possible for someone to fake SH. Either you do it or you don't, and if you do it, then it's real and it's a real issue to be dealt with.

[release-me]

I understand how you feel about blowing scars out of proportion.

People say to me 'what's the problem, they're just scars, stop hating yourself and stop covering yourself up all the time'. But they fail to realise the shame I have because of them, and the sham I have associated with the reason why I self harmed.

But then I feel like a 'drama queen' as you put it, for not being able to do as people tell me to.

[wheresthelight]

I feel the same with the whole faking thing. Like I have a pretty decent life, tbh. But I struggle with depression & so feeling empty/numb is my main reason to self harm. So I feel like since I don't really have a bad home life or whatever that I am faking it in other people's eyes.

[Scaredy-cat]

I get this. One thing i do is keep texts and messages people have sent me qhich i find sort of affirms things, so i can look at them. But if you feel it, and it bothers you, its a big deal, basically

[Backfromthebrink]

With my mental health and self harm I've always felt like I'm faking and like if I really wanted too I could snap out of it at any time, just that I must not be trying hard enough to be well. I used to hide behind this excuse because if I pretended I wasn't trying then it meant I didn't have to acknowledge that I actually had a problem. But I was trying and I wasn't in control. Even with all the scars I didn't feel like I really had a problem because I chose to harm myself. Except for it was never as simple as that.

In the end all these thoughts aren't useful if you are going to use them to beat yourself up with. Only you will know if you are faking or not, but the chances are that if you can't just snap out of it, and you didn't decide to be like this then you aren't.

Although if you come to the conclusion that you aren't faking is difficult in itself, because then you have to acknowledge that you may need help.

Stay safe.

[bluedusteyes]

backfromthebrink: I see what you mean, in regards to the whole difficulty with acknowledging the need for help.

I've been doing this for so long that it's normal for me...I've become rather desensitized and I no longer can understand what the "big deal" is, though I know factually that it is a very big deal.

[Kentucky]

I feel the same way . I've been diagnosed with depression and I feel like I havant and that I fake it and that I'm a drama queen I've been feeling down then the bullying in school tops it all I feel like killing myself some times

[perfecx]

all the time.