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Personal Piece- Contains upsetting material - Through My eyes
The rain taps against the window, sounding as urgent to get in as I am to get out. Out of the confines of my own mind, afflicted by hallucinations. I pull my knees to my chest, cover my ears, and close my eyes in a attempt to block out the assault. Though the effort is in vain. They whisper to me, yell at me. Attempt to convince me that there is only but a single bridge leading away from this indescribable Hell.»I slowly uncurl from my position on the floor and stand. The voices are silent. Not even a whisper. Maybe, I say to myself, I don’t have to do this. Like a sudden gust of wind, the Voices speak all at once. First saying “No one will miss you”. “I promise it won’t hurt.” Then “You don’t matter to anyone”. “No one will believe if you tell them about us”»“Your insane “ “No one can help. No one wants to help. “ “No one loves you”. I try to tell them that they are not real, fight them away. But they laugh at my efforts . ” Everything he does to you is your fault. You make him mad. You are the reason. It was all you”. I tell them no. That it was his fault, that the alcohol made him do it. Their sadistic laughter»rings in my ears. The Voices are getting louder now. Screaming at me to do it. Now they are telling me that in am a burden on my family, “friends”, teachers, and peers. “You can’t learn anything.” “You’re a horrible daughter. You family wishes you gone.” I have to do it, I decide. To make the voices go away. To make Him stop. To make my family happy again. I walk slowly to the bathroom and stare at my self in the mirror. “What are you waiting for? You know
how to make it end.” It’s right. I do know how to make it end. But do I really want to? “Of course you do.” One voice seethes. I open the medicine cabinet and remove the contents. I hold it in my hands and slid down the wood door. I don’t want to do this. How do I make it go away? I slowly open the bottle and stare at the contents. Several white, trapezoid shaped pills stare back at me. I pour the pills into my hand and fill the empty bottle with water. The voices’ laughter clouds my thoughts and as I bring the»handful of pills to my mouth, my thoughts are so clouded I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to. I’m swallowing the thick pills now. I panic but don’t stop. They are gone . As the minutes pass, I feel the effects of the drugs. I want to panic but I can’t bring myself to move. I’m so tired I just want to sleep. I lay my head on the cold tile floor in the bathroom and close my eyes. I feel myself slipping away as I drift off into the unknown. In the distance I feel something hit me in the back and a quiet scream. Shh, I want to say, it doesn’t hurt…
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