I have a problem. In November last year, a friend of mine found out that I SI and vomfronted me about it, which I was really not happy about. Anyway, he asked me some questions and made out that he didn't understand what exactly was wrong. I tried explaining some stuff to him and gave him a link of some sort. He told me that if I was having any problmes then I can just let him know and he'd try to do his best to talk to me - but couldn't promise anything as he has a wife and a child. (who is 2 now)
A few months later, we had an argument (which has happened on & off since my friend found out about my SI) and I asked if it was possible for us to take a break from each other. He told me no because he can't trust me enough not to cut my wrists if he stays away from me. (despite me telling him that I'd never do that to him and that none of this is his fault)
Anyway, we had some problems which meant that he kept taking breaks from me. Whenever we did talk, I (according to him) cam across as really clingy, which makes him not want to talk to me. I explained to him that alot of that is because alot of the time, talking to him is the only distraction that really works. (apart from sleep)
Anyway, recently I've noticed that ever since he found out that I SI, he doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore.
is there anything I can do to stop my problems (which are nothing to do with him and he wouldn't have found out if he hadn't read it somewhere) messing up our friendship?
Aww sorry this happened to you, but I can totally relate. My best friend of 14 years stopped talking to me after she found out I cut. Its a hard call. He didn't want to leave you alone because of what you may do, but on the other hand he doesn't seem to want to talk.
I'm not sure what to tell you other than if he's not helping or doing more harm than good, it's probably a good thing to take a break from him, or if you can't do that, sit him down and explain to him how you feel. Unfortunately, some of the time relationships, no matter how strong, can end just like that. Best thing you can do is sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him, alone, without and distractions, and go from there.
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It's really unfortunate when friendships mess up like that, whether they're related to personal problems or not. I think that while you have some headspace...make use of your time and take a think about things. How important is your friendship to you? Do you consider him a real friend?
People who don't self-harm will never truly understand what its like. You've tried your best talking to him about it, finding links to help him understand. There's only so much you can do.
Hmm...the only thing I can sort of suggest is that you keep problems and friendships very separate. I don't really agree with my own suggestion becasue I think that real friends should be there for each other, be able to listen to each other's problems and support them.
But at the same time, if talking about your probs/SI is destroying your friendship you may have to choose carefully who you talk to about it. Say, RYLers/supporters/counsellor instead.
I hope things work out for the best. Everything happens for a reason though. Something good will come out of the bad.
xo
Seems like there are blank spots in that description. If he has a wife and kid why does he need "a break" from you? I'm implying nothing. Most guys with a wife and kid dont have that much time anyway. As far as SI goes, my rule is the less people know the better. I always try to stop people from nattering on to their friends about their problems. It just makes things worse. I know you didn't bring it up but I wouldn't add to things by saying talking to him is only distraction that works. Anyway, maybe he has just been busy and can't speak to you.
Hmm...the only thing I can sort of suggest is that you keep problems and friendships very separate.
However there's a big difference between a friend being there for support and a friend being there and being a pseudo-counselor. Plus you have to understand that male communication styles are centered around fixing things, and when they can't fix it, they get frustrated. I completely understand what you said about best friends being there, but I've been in the position of being there for a friend and when I became a counselor, a crutch, things started falling apart.
