Contains sexual abuse - so angry an confuesed. **triggering**

[freelyXfighting]

the other night a friend came round to my house. an i though he was just coming to sit off for a bit an have a laugh. but as soon as he walked in i knew what he wanted. at first i was fine with it, i felt trapped an like i had to, but i was ok with it.
but then he was forcefull with things, with me. but i let things carry on.
but then it started to hurt so i told him to stop and when he wouldnt listen i tried to push him off me but he just moved his hands onto my arms and pinned me down. an i knew then he wasnt going to stop. i just went numb an cut off from it. but then afterwards i just got dressed an he just lay there naked as if everything was fine. and we where talking an then i was acting like everything was fine too. an he stayed about half an hour after it an then when an i just fell apart.
i stabbed my leg with glass. i have never stabbed myself before.
i feel horrid. i was fine with it at first and i was actively involved in it at first.
i'm so so confused with it. at first i was fine and active in it an then i didnt want to an i wanted it to stop but he wouldnt and then it felt like what happened in the past.
i'm so angry at myself for doing that in the first place.

i need to cut so bad but i cant. an i just dont know what to do!

[dying_to_be_perfect]

Im so sorry you went through that!! you have nothing to be angry at yourself over, we all choose to have sex and we all have the right to change our mind at any point! It sounds like there was no point that you actually wanted this top happen and he forced it onto you! I wish i could help! Just want you to know that you have done nothing wrong and shouldnt be angry with yourself, you told him to stop, you did everything right in that situation and still had this horrible thing happen! i know it will be hard to stop yourself being angry at yourself but please try and look after yourself! and post on here to help you through!

Big hugs

xx

[Heaven Knows]

Hi there.

Sorry you have been through a traumatic event - I agree with the poster above; anyone has the right to stop what's happening and say no at any point and should not be pushed further when they don't want to be. You have no reason to be angry with yourself. Everyone has the right to be safe and comfortable with what's happening to them; and what he did was wrong.

Look after yourself and try to be kind to yourself <3

x Katie x

[freelyXfighting]

thank you. i just feel so confuesd by it. i hate it x