Contains sexual abuse - not nice to say/type or read ((triggering))

[freelyXfighting]

this my be graphic an is really not nice to read. its very hard for me to type but i don't know where else to go with this.



when i was a child i was sexually abused by multiple men. one of which was my step-dad at the time.
one of the men used a knife inside me another used different objects, usually a object that was hot or very cold.
then when i was older i was severely raped and nearly killed by my step-dad. when this was happing he used stinging nettles inside me.

now, 11 years on i have cervical cancer an i cant help but think that all the abuse and damage that was made has caused the cancer.
i get horrible pain where the cancer is an it triggers flashbacks .
i have spoke to someone close about it an they just keep saying that i need to separate the abuse and the cancer, but thats so hard to do when its in that area of my body an the pain triggers flashbacks an memories.

[Heaven Knows]

I am so very sorry to hear about what you've been through. Well done for writing it down - it must have taken a lot of courage. Did you ever speak to a professional about this? I think the person who advised you was right...you need to separate them. Seeking help would help you do this.
We're all here for you through this terrible time.
x Katie x

[Frail Existence]

AS Katie and the others said... separating them you need to do. you seem unsure of how to do so, i may be wrong but ask the people about how to do so and all. Im sorry about your past and now. Not your fault and I am always here if you want to talk or even a hug :) Pm is cool to :)

That was brave and a good job to write it down. Well done :)

[foxfly]

I can understand why they would be extremely hard to separate. It's on a different scale, but when I get period pain I find it really hard to separate that from the pain of being abused. They all get wound up together in my head. Having bad pain in a place where you were abused sounds so difficult, almost unbearable.

Have you tried grounding techniques to remind you that you are here, in the present time, and that no one is going to hurt you now? Maybe when you feel the pain you can hold onto something that keeps you in the present, rather than letting the past come back to hurt you.

Do you see anyone (a therapist maybe) about what happened to you in the past? This sounds like a really stressful time, and seeing someone who can support you might be good.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you.