I don't know if people are actually the people I know now. The other world is taking over and disguising themselves. It must be why I can't seem to be heard by anyone any more. I am really scared. I don't think I can trust people. How can I take my meds when they might be tampered with now? If the people in the chemist aren't actually the real people. I don't know what's going on.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Apologies for asking this question, because I hate it being asked and there often isn't an answer for it (rightly so)
But do you have any idea what someone could say that would make you think 'this person has heard me'
Any vague idea?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I just want someone to reply to what I say about how I'm feeling and what is going on in a way that is a discussion rather than telling me to clear out my kitchen drawers and not really acknowledge what I said. No one seems to see just how much I'm struggling. I try to tell them that I'm doing all I can and struggling to cope but my CPN said do something normal like get a job. So he hasn't heard that I am struggling to manage even the little things I'm doing right now.
There were loads of vans on pavements with their doors open preventing me from walking on the pavement when I was out so I had to walk on the road. They are doing it deliberately to try and kill me. A woman in a car looked at me and mouthed 'O' when the driver said something to her so she must have been pointing out that it's me everyone is against and that the other world is focusing on. I was quickly in and out of the chemist without having to say much luckily because I can't trust that they are actually the chemist people. I didn't get out of bed on time for the walking group. I'm sick of myself. I just don't seem to be able to do anything right.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It's more likely that people are just inconsiderate and don't realise that someone wants to walk past.
I'm sure if you'd asked them to, they would have closed the doors so you could get by. It's happened to me so many times!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I don't think my CPN is doing anything wrong. It must be something to do with me. He says he wants to help me. I'm actually scared of mentioning what's been going on to him though, about the other world taking over and stuff, because I think he'll be harsh and mocking and challenging. He said I can tell him anything but I don't feel able to because of the responses he gives.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I know it's hard to open up to someone, especially when you don't feel listened to by that person, but although it's a cliche, you really won't know until you try!
Would writing him a note for him to read later on after he's left be any easier?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I always tell him things though and just get a response that upsets me. I will keep trying but it makes me anxious. I'm really sensitive to feeling like people are judging me. I'm hoping he will have some helpful news from the MDT but I don't understand why he hasn't phoned me like he said he would so maybe I wasn't even discussed. I don't feel up to writing anything.
I'm trying not to cry right now because I am so scared about the other world taking over.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
He seemed a bit more supportive than usual but he wasn't concerned about me not believing people are who they are supposed to be and my psych didn't even discuss me at the MDT he just decided he's going to leave my meds as they are. When I had my appointment with my psych I told him the issues I was having with my meds and he said he might put me on a depot and he was going to review my meds and discuss it at the MDT so he must have just been lying to me because he didn't do any of that.
My CPN has said twice that I should do something normal like get a job or a car. I tried to explain why I can't and he might have understood. I could hardly deal with the change in my schedule yesterday because of the time I had to see my CPN. I'm worried because maybe my psych thinks I can work too so that won't be good when my benefits are reviewed. I don't know how to sort myself out. I can't deal with routine changes, being around people for long, I get distressed multiple times a day. I feel like no one wants to help me and I don't understand why. They say things and then contradict them.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm really struggling. Had my usual upsetting dreams that I woke up from which has just made things feel worse. I'm so low and also afraid of people. I wanted to make sure the pharmacist is actually the pharmacist and if he knows if all the staff are themselves but he was busy and I didn't want to say anything to anyone else plus there was another customer in and I made a fool of myself by telling the chemist person it was ok when she was trying to get someone else I could talk to because she thought I wanted to ask a medical question. I nearly cried on the way home. It was the walking group today and I've already given up on it because it's too hard to get out of bed on time. I hate myself and people must judge me for it. I know my neighbours know everything that goes on with me and will think I'm lazy. I'm really concerned that my CPN and psychiatrist are not really them because they're not concerned about how much I'm struggling. I can't phone my CPN today because it's Monday so he'll have stuff to catch up on plus I don't trust that he is actually my CPN. I don't think I have it in me to phone Duty either. I want to go outside and lie in the rain but my neighbours will see me.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don't have many words. But wanted to let you know I am reading and I can see how distressing not knowing if people are real / themselves is for you.
It must be disappointing that tpsych said about changing meds and then nothing happened.
Most people tend to be in there own little world sand not think much about others. So although it feels like your neighbours know everything, think you are lazy etc. They may not be judging or thinking about you much at all.
Wish I could help more. But wanted you to know I am here.
Thank you. I'm just so confused about everything and the responses of professionals. I feel even more isolated than usual.
A while ago when my getting out of bed times were worse my next door neighbours mentioned it and the people across the road once said to my next door neighbours that I wasn't looking after my cats properly (Church was alive at the time) because sometimes I had to go to hospital in an emergency and couldn't sort out someone to look after the cats till the next day. They're all very judgemental.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Loneliness and isolation are horrible, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I know that services are being cut right back and that the non-NHS places are struggling too, so this might not be an option but could it be worth asking your CPN if you could be referred for a support worker or to a befriending service? Just for someone in real life to spend time with? I know that it's not the same as having someone trained to talk through mental health stuff but maybe it would help to alleviate some of the loneliness and take you outside your head for a bit?
I am also struggling with feeling lonely at the moment and I'm still trying to work out how to move forwards so maybe none of that is helpful, I just wanted to offer some words.
Your neighbours sound like busybodies and it's easier said than done but I'd suggest that they're not worth your energy.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Thank you. I hope you can find a way out of your loneliness. The where I used to have a support worker lost their funding recently and there is nowhere else. There's not a lot in my area. I'm more bothered about professionals not doing helpful stuff even when they say they will.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm getting so sick of myself because of the times I get out of bed in the morning. I didn't get up until 10.40am today. I don't know if I sleep well, I wake up lots and even in my dreams I feel tired like I'm not properly asleep and it's seeping into my dreams. I try to tell myself that at least I'm not spending 36 hours in bed like I did a long time ago and at least I'm not going to bed at 7pm exhausted. I stay up till 10.30pm now. I just never seem to be able to get the balance right. Any tips on how to get up earlier?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Yeah about 12 hours. No one is willing to look at my meds and I'd be worried about messing up my sleep further because although my sleep isn't great through the night it's better than it was. There are just so many different problems I seem to have in life which I've never been able to find a way through.
I'm so scared and not trusting people right now so I'm even more on my own with stuff. I'm wondering if I can actually allow my supposed CPN into my house for my appointment next week. I don't want to have to change the appointment to see him in the health centre because that would be a further wait. I'm concerned about the people in the chemist. They are in charge of my meds and might be tampering with them. My CPN isn't worried about these fears of mine at all. He's obviously not my CPN any more. I don't know if there is anyone at all who hasn't been taken over by people from the other world.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
