Thanks Niniane.
Yes there are staff i can talk to. They generally say the same thing. 'you are underweight, you need the nutrients and energy or you are going to collapse'
Am being weighed again tomorrow by staff dreading that. Haven't had any of my sustagens today.
I'm being weighed again tomorrow and I've binged. I'm freaking out.
But I get to see my dogs tomorrow. My grandparents are taking me home to see to them. And get coffee which hopefully I'll keep.
Having a really hard time with all this. Sorry to keep posting.
You don't have to apologise for posting, you're going through a really tough time its okay to need support. I really wish I had more words for you but I'm pretty washed out right now. I know the weigh ins are difficult for you - try and focus perhaps on the pleasant activity after in seeing your dogs.
How would you feel if they weighed you but didn't tell you the result?
Thankfully they said they didn't have to weigh me today because the GP weighed me yesterday. So that's a huge relief.
I think I'd have to know. Plus if I stay the same or gain I get stars. Not that the stars are a huge motivation at the moment.
I'm feeling really tired. I hope I can manage to do all the things I need to at home.
I really hope you had a nice time with your grandparents and the dogs?
Keep fighting Ash, you deserve more then this. I know it is really hard but people won't be saying these things if not for a reason. They're professionals, so although it is confusing and conflicting with what you feel - try and stick with logic, and try and trust in what those in charge of your care are saying?
Safe *hug*
I'm sorry I don't have more to add or much of use, I'm a little out of words tonight. <3
Thanks Ritzi,
I did have a good time with my grandparents and dogs. I'm exhausted now though.
I'm trying to fight I think, but I can't work out which side I'm fighting for. I know they are professionals and wouldn't talk crap to me but a little voice in my head tells me they are lying, saying it as a joke. That I'm huge, fat and disgusting. It's hard to think rationally. The nurses say that's because I'm not getting enough nutrients for my brain to function properly. I don't know.
Very confusing.
Thanks for responding, you are of use, most definitely. Thank you.
My goal today is to have all three sustagens. I had m first which was hard now I hav to go ask for my second. I reall really don't want it. Aaarrrghhh!!
Hey, that's a great goal to have Ash. How's it going?
You're right that it can be really hard to think clearly when you don't have the nutrients. I'm glad you are trying to fight, though sometimes it may not be clear, I'm proud of you for setting and trying for the goal even though it wouldn't be easy. Let us know how you're doing :) x
Hey Aimee.
I've managed 2 and a half sustagen today. Working myself up for the second half of the last one.
It is hard to think clearly. Thank you for being proud of me :)
I feel really sick after the first half of the sustagen, I don't know whether I'll be able to finish it. I'll do my best. I just can't stand feeling so big.
I'm glad you're trying and doing your best. 2 and a half is simply amazing! I know its hard when you feel big, try arguing back with those thoughts (if you can do it safe) and tell yourself your not big, and you need nutrition. have you read "life without ed"? its a nifty book, maybe you could look it up online see if anyone has written up tips from it, Or maybe a preview of it and if you like it a doctor or practitioner or libr.ary can loan it to you.
Keep going, you're doing a great job. How many stars do you have now?
Sorry to hear you're feeling ill, hope you feel better soon . I like to think of nice things to cheer me up if I feel sick. maybe you could think of your Batman rewards :) x
Thank you tinkles and Ritzi. :)
I'm trying to be proud, thinking of the stars and being healthy but it's so clouded by feeling enormous.
I have had one today. I know my nurse will make me have the second.
Bad day today
Oh and Aimee.
Sorry I missed your post.
Thank you so much.
I haven't read the book bu I'll look into it.
I'll have to count the stars. I know I made it to the batman T shirt but don't know how many. Have toward the batman hoodie.
Thank you for your response, sorry I missed it.
Ash
Sounds like you're having a really bad day with the flashbacks and body memories - but you've managed two sustagens so far today! So I know you're struggling but I'm so proud of the effort you've made even though things hard hard. Well done Ash.
Can you have an easy night tonight if you're feeling crappy and exhausted?
