struggling acknowledging i may actually need the help i’m being offered
Hey folks. Sorry I make threads and then forget about them.
I got referred somewhere back in December but then had to switch GP surgeries and assumed the referral never happened. I met with the Mental Health person in my new area and she told me it most certainly had been put through.
She also said she was glad for that because it was clear I needed that help and likely more, and started talked about complex trauma and OCD as if they were diagnoses I already have, which I do not, and it caused me to feel uncomfortable later on. Even now, a day later, just thinking about it fills me dread. I do not seem ill. I do not seem that ill. I seem fine. I am fine. And yet every professional I speak to carries on and on about dissociation and masking, and I am genuinely just uncomfortable because I don’t feel I should be referred to these places because surely I’m just wasting resources by attention seeking and being generally obnoxious.
I’ve been visibly worse than this in the past and no one has helped me, and now I seem stable everyone’s like “you’re wrong”, and I’m beyond frustrated. I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore because I have so many thoughts and not enough fingers to type them all before I forget them. I’m just so frustrated with the whole situation.
That does seem really hard to get your head around. Especially since you feel you've been more unwell in the past and no help has been offered. How do the non professional people around you perceive that you are doing? Maybe things could be better than they are if you accept the help. Sometimes it's difficult to see what's going on with yourself but of course other people can be wrong too. Sorry I've probably not been really helpful. Keep posting here if you find the words you want to say.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
definitely sounds like a lot to process, but also we are so glad that your struggles are finally being recognised and maybe you can get some support.
you are absolutely not wasting their time or being attention seeking or obnoxious. you've needed support for ages and not gotten it. so just because this is different and scary doesn't mean you are faking.
we have also been frustrated for you so your feelings are very much valid.
we will say though, that you don't have to be visibly unwell to be in need of or deserving of support. especially if they believe you, then that's good!
this is jumbled but hopefully made some sense. thinking of you, and hope you're giving yourself the time you need to process. if the words come back enough to type them, feel free to keep posting here or you know you can find us on email/discord if that feels safer. :)
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I think I genuinely am better than I have been in the past, and my partner agrees that I’m at the very least better than I was at the end of last year. More able to do things, I think would be the best way to express it. It’s hard to really actually think about what is wrong. I just kind of exist, I guess but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.
It’s weird because on one hand I know that it probably is a good thing, but I don’t want to take resources away from people when I’m probably fine anyway.
Initially I was offered the support when things were worse, but the person I spoke to last week thinks that support is the only kind that would actually help me. I’m fairly convinced that if/when the whoever it is contacts me, they’ll realise everyone else has made a mistake and that I’m not ill enough, and to be honest, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that.
being more able to do a job or other things that appear normal on the outside, at least for us, often comes at a huge mental cost. so things can appear okay when they are not. hopefully these humans will also understand that.
you don't have to only be at your worst to be in need of support.
this stuff is scary, trying to get support and explain stuff is hard and scary. so v much get why you are worried. especially when they say there is only one thing that would help, that puts a lot of pressure on it. we v much dislike that mentality and disagree with it, but we hope that whatever it is, it might be something useful and accessible for you.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
