A little about me, I guess... *slight ED trigger? - let me know*

lawrie · 04-06-2007, 04:12 PM

Hello! My name's Lawrie (as you can probably tell), and though I've been lurking around a bit on the old site I've never really introduced myself or made many posts, and I want to try and change that. I feel a bit icky making a thread about myself but there are some questions I want to ask and specific support I would like and I don't think anyone can provide that without some background. Don't worry, I will try and give something back as well!

I don't strictly speaking have an ED, but have struggled for the last two years with body image and food, and for a while last year I was restricting very heavily and lost *lots* of weight... The heavy restriction started when I made a concious effort to stop self injuring...

Now I'm a lot better, but still have really low self esteem, and think I'm 'fat' even though logically (looking at BMI) I know I'm not.... sometimes I can override those irrational thoughts, but not all the time, and recently I have been struggling to maintain weight, and not restrict.

Another major problem of mine is that I cannot seek help; I've been told many times that I should go to the doctor or whatever, but I can't do it. I feel I don't deserve help, and that I'm 'not that sick', something I have only just realised I probably am, but the thought of asking for help still fills me with nasty feelings. I feel bad just typing this

I guess what I'm looking for is:

Any tips on how to think more positively, and how to actually believe it.

Any help on trying to eat normally; I've read the normal eating info on the old site (can't seem to find it now... I guess everything is still up in the air to some extent), but that doesn't seem to translate into real life for me; any practical tips would be great!

If anyone has had any similar experiences with not being able to seek help and if they got over it, any tips on me doing the same.

I tried to make this as clear as possible, so any replies would be really appreciated, but also if you think I'm out of line then please say so!

P.S. I'm not totally sure about trigger labels, and so I labeled this to be on the safe side, so could someone let me know if it actually needed one or not, because I don't think it is, but like I said, just wanted to keep everyone safe!

~XxxFireflyxxX~ · 04-06-2007, 04:33 PM

Hi sweetheart, well done for making the post, thats a really big step for you *hugs*

Any tips on how to think more positively, and how to actually believe it.

There is no magical formula to being more positive especially when you have such a distorted view of yourself. Sometimes things like writting down how you feel can help but then at the end you must write something good that has happened or something good that you have done. Try sitting with two different coloured pens one a colour that you like and one that you don't like. Write downt the things you dislike about yourself and that you are not happy with in the colour you don't like, once you have done this look at the list you have made and really think, is this logical? Is this the impression I have got from others? is this how others see me? the likelyhood is that others would think the complete opposite. Then write down positive things about yourself and positive things that you have achieved in the colour you like, try and write down more positives then negatives.

Do things that you like doing and that make you feel good about yourself or that make you feel nice, try and spend some time to make a conscious effort to do this everyday, whether it be drawing, having a bubble bath, going walking, phoning a friend etc

Any help on trying to eat normally; I've read the normal eating info on the old site (can't seem to find it now... I guess everything is still up in the air to some extent), but that doesn't seem to translate into real life for me; any practical tips would be great!

Ok this has to come from you, you need to want to be really determined to eat healthily.. it will be difficult at first but I believe you to be strong enough to do it, mearly from the fact you are making such big steps already (making the post) After you have eaten try and distract yourself, maybe take yourself off for a walk.

Try to eat little but often, as this will make you feel less full and you are less likely to panic that way. Try and stay off the scales, as difficult as this may be it might help an aweful lot. Don't let numbers be how you value yourself!

If anyone has had any similar experiences with not being able to seek help and if they got over it, any tips on me doing the same.

Most peopl will have experienced this. Its a very big step and can sem very daunting to seek help. The bottom lilne is you just have to go for it, if you really want help then go for it because you deserve to be free from this.

I really hope that helped. Sorry its probably a load of rubbish.

Sophie
Xxx

lawrie · 04-06-2007, 04:45 PM

Wow, thankyou so much Sophie! I wasn't expecting to get such a lovely supportive post straight away!

I do try really hard to do something nice just for me as often as I can (generally equals having a nice bath, or buying some tatty jewelry from Primark!), but it's hard to find the time. I like your idea about positives and negatives... I used to keep a journal but it got so negative it ceased being helpful, but if I force myself to write positive stuff as well then it could be a lot more useful. Also I bet it's nice to have a list of nice things about yourself to look at when feeling rubbish!

The thing about eating normally is that I either restrict really badly, or else I tend to eat too much. Not purposefully binging, but just eating til I'm too full, because I've kind of forgotten what a normal portion size is! That seems stupid, but I don't think it's unusual. I guess I'm just going to have to work on it...

Thanks again :)

~XxxFireflyxxX~ · 04-06-2007, 04:50 PM

Yes It will take a bit of time to get used to it, but for know start to feel comfortable with eating aroung 6 times a day, 3 small meals and 3 snacks.

Write yourself down a meal plan, the overall calorific value for a day should come to 2000cals. If it is written down you may find it easier to follow, and it'll be on your terms as to what you want to eat and at what time, so hopefuly that bring in a feeling of control for you and so be more comforting.

You're very welcome, anything I can do to help just ask and I'll try my best =)

Sophie
Xxx