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Old 07-01-2012, 06:03 AM   #1
butterfly525
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Reviews Requested- Contains upsetting material - Obsession

Hey, I haven't been on here in ages so I'm sure none of you even know me but I wrote a poem about a girl with an eating disorder and I just want to know if it's any good. Feel free to be honest.



Obsession

The girl is young; she has a dream
To change for the better, though it may seem
That she is beautiful inside and out
She sees this not, holds only doubt

From the moment she wakes to the moment of sleep
A goal of perfection she dares to keep
This thing that consumes her knows no limit
A once promising future is now lost in it

She looks deep in the glass that only lies
To mock, condemn, and criticize
The flaws of which she sees no dearth
In the body that defines her worth

And in that glass she cannot see
The desperate person she's come to be
But another's eyes reveal the truth
Of failing health and wasted youth

What started as a simple game
Spread like wildfire from a single flame
It was never meant to come to this
To days spent waiting for death's cold kiss

What a terrible thing it is to invest
One's time on this earth in a futile quest
Such a beautiful life given up to spend
In pursuit of a most unattainable end



Thanks in advance for any feedback you can give me.



Laura


"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Theresa


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Old 07-01-2012, 06:30 PM   #2
Tig
 
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That's a brilliant poem. Very emotive and thoughtful. Thank you for sharing. x

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Old 10-01-2012, 04:18 AM   #3
butterfly525
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Thanks!



Laura


"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Theresa


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