Contains bullying - Am I a boss or a b#@#^?

[bitomato]

I have had a really bad week of work. I am now virtually self employed but have people I have to deal with on a daily basis. I had a confrontation with several of them during the week and the worst one left me highly triggered and I have been trying to deal for the last 2 days.

Most of my "support network" think I should step back- cool down etc. But I want some sort of feedback/ action. The amount of untenable situations I am subjected to on a daily basis cause me to constantly try to balance my health with my stress.

I feel very exploited by my employees because they also happen to be very close- family at times. So today when I tried to distance myself from one of them I got an earful. My psychologist already thought it would not be healthy working with them because of their attitude and now I am being punished for trying.

I don't want to have to be strict all the time, but not only is my job becoming a place where I have to be almost aloof to protect myself, but also I am seeing my more undesirable coping skills coming to the surface because of my frustration.

I lost my temper with someone and began shaking because I was so upset. I requested to speak to their boss, who has ignored my request since. I am very concerned about it because I do not need to appear weak or get triggered in public.

I know that all signs say I should quit- so maybe I should. Even though it isn't my fault, I am always the mentally ill one and I'll always be patronised.

[bitomato]

Thanks for reading folks. Today was the typical- it is time I talked to your doctors to get a better understanding of your illness and my responsibilities as your family.

Personally flailing. This is where I work, sleep and generally do all of my survival functions. I want to be a fair employer- I even greeted the miserable employee with a "Good Afternoon!" yesterday. I was ignored but I felt better. Because of course no apology and family want me to feel responsible for losing it.

At the end of the day it was a sum of a lot of crap, and if they didn't know I had a fuse- they do now. However, like my steps into teaching- I want to be respected not feared. The motivator to stay in this "job" is that it is inextricably linked with my future.

I have a memory of being hypomanic and delusional 10 years ago, so now I have no confidence to stick up for myself or my rights, getting really exhausted quickly and frustrated even more quickly.

I literally am keeping my house in order to the best of my ability and trying to filter out the criticism. I fell yesterday, and I think I physically rebounded a lot better than I would have in the past. I don't feel as self conscious. Only issue is that I am very impulsive and still have low self esteem.

See what the future holds after the weekend.

[Hemlock]

It can be hellishly hard to deal with your family, especially when they work with you. Their attitudes toward you tend to rub off even on people who didn't know you before. When your family treats you badly or takes advantage of you...yeah, I can see that being badly frustrating and demoralizing.

I hate to encourage you toward being more stern, but if you feel bullied and overrun otherwise, maybe taking a sterner tack with them is the better idea. You're expected to take responsibility for these employees--that means you have the right to express discipline or leadership and have that respected.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything here; I realize I've spoken kind of strongly, so if I've gotten it wrong, I'm listening to what else you have to say. Mostly I just wanted you to know that I read this, and I sympathize.

[bitomato]

Just looking back at this thread. Would I say things are on a more even keel? Well I don't tolerate a whole lot of crap, been sticking up for myself and patience has kind of paid off. Things are set up to get worse and then really bad- but they are not yet and I am doing the best to live my life.

I am trying to invest in a new job where I can be more independent from my family. One that I always wanted- that would make me happy and possibly assist in my long term dreams.