I know there have been threads like this before, but this is such a huge deal for me that I felt I needed to ask for my situation specifically. To cut a long story short, my mum has BPD and has also had a history of self-harm. The main reason why I never wanted to tell her about my own issues is because I was scared of making her health worse. But now I've moved out I feel our relationship has strengthened slightly, and I'm trying to move on now so the only way to fully do so is to come clean to her about my self-harm too.
I've been sifting through ideas in my brain of how I can do this. Writing a letter would seem easier, but could also come across as being insensitive. I used to write her e-mails when I wanted to ask her a question I was too embarrassed to say in person, but I feel I want to do this properly. My housemate suggested to ask her if I could have a little chat, but I've honestly never done that before, so it's difficult to know how to react or how seriously she'll take me. What kind of conversation starters, if any, have any of you used? And what kinds of reactions have you had? I'm desperate to let her know, I just really have no idea how. I'm going home for a month and now I'm used to wearing short sleeves around my housemates, I don't want to go back to hiding again.
Any advise is hugely appreciated, thank you x
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
Firstly, extremely well done and good luck, I really hope it goes well. The only advice I can think of for your situation is to try to emphasise that this is to help you move on and that you are dealing with it, it isnt a crisis or anything, because that would be quite stressful for her
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
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i wouldn't have a conversation on a day when other stuff is planned... holidays often aren't the best time to get difficult news.
i would emphasize that this is not about her. let her know what you are doing to get better, and what she can do to help.... you can let her know that you are telling her because you trust her and want her support.... i don't know what else to say really. i've never had to tell someone close to me who had self harmed themselves, so i don't really know how to approach that one...
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Hi,
Why don't you write her a letter, but then read it to her or be there with her when she reads it.
I know this sounds odd but it will allow you the time to write what it is you want to tell her with less of the emotion that may get tangled in the situation if you just had a conversation with her. By being there when she reads it you are them showing that it is not insensitive and that you want to be open about it with her.
I also agree that you would need to find the right time to do this.
This is how I told my partner, now husband. When we were courting I knew I needed to tell him as I didn't want to marry him and then have to hide everything. I wrote a letter and then gave it to him to read. I cooked dinner whilst he read it and we were then able to talk about it that evening. I worked well, he was very caring and didn't delve into the detail but wanted to know what I needed from him.
I hope it works out well for you.
God bless
Liz
Thank you for all your advise everyone, I think it sounds like a good idea to write her a letter and then be her when she reads it. I'm not quite sure how I'd say it without stumbling over my words, but at least if it's already prepared, all the things that I need to say will be said.
*sigh* it's just so unbelievably nerve wracking. My housemates were shocked and it hurt to see the pain on their faces, but for my mum to hurt brings me to tears. Maybe it'll be a good thing, maybe we can just hug it out and have a bit of a moment. We've never really been that close, but I do love a good hug from my mum. Hopefully it'll help and she'll be understanding, as she knows what it's like.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
I second what everyone else has said really, and also if your mum's had a history of self harm then surely she'll be even better at supporting you because she'll know what you're going through.
It'll still be scary, but I'm sure it'll feel like such a relief when you finally get round to it!
Thank you. I realised today how much I need to tell her, I love her too much to lie anymore. I'm an adult now, I can deal with this in an adult way. And so I will (hopefully) xx
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
Okay so I don't know how many of you have seen my other thread in General chat, but I was on the radio this morning about depression in young people, and the last thing I thought he'd say was I was on anti-depressants and then ask me DIRECTLY what caused it. Oh god, so, so, mortified. My mum was listening. I really don't know how I'm gonna tell her about the other stuff after this. Oh wow. This feeling had better go. Honestly.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
