Contains sexual abuse - Introduction/Looking for support

[EstPrepare]

Hi all,

It has been a long, long time since I was on here at all and I haven't used this specific board before so please do let me know if I do anything wrong!

About 6 weeks ago I disclosed a history of sexual abuse where my previous treating psychiatrist was the abuser. I am struggling massively with this, I thought I would never tell anyone.

I have a long history of difficulties with attachment to various professionals which unfortunately ultimately ended in this situation. It was what I can only describe as a sexual relationship 'on the side' of psychiatric treatment which occurred for about 5 years, ending maybe 3 years ago but I continued being treated by him until I made the disclosure. I call it abuse because I now recognize the impact it has had on me and the massive transgression it is however at the time it was 100% consensual so I am finding it very confusing to sort out in my head.

I used to be confused and upset by it, particularly after he 'eased off' the sexual contact over time and we returned to a professional relationship however I am finding the distress associated with it much MUCH worse now having disclosed it. Did anyone else find this?

Amongst issues that do not belong on this board, I am finding I am struggling with my body image far, far worse than previously and my sense of purpose/direction which is just increasing my distress. I have completed 3 of 4 years of my degree, taking this year off to complete therapy and planning to go back next year but then this came out and I don't know where I'm headed anymore.

One of my struggles is that so, so much of the support on the internet is geared towards survivors of child abuse or sexual assault, there really is very little I have found that feels as though it applies. I wasn't a child and I wasn't raped... but yet I feel violated and abused.

To make things all the more fun I am currently between therapists, I can't see my psychologist anymore due to conflict of interest and the new therapist (a MH OT) who I have seen once can't see me again for another few weeks.

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for here but I guess it would be good to be part of a supportive community.

For what it's worth, please bear in mind that while this is a massive issue with the medical board (I made an official statement earlier this week which was ... rough...) this is not something that is illegal in Australia.

[Pi.R^2]

Hi there, welcome back to RYL. I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse that you've suffered.

I don't have personal experience of abuse but I do think it is common for things to get worse rather than better initially after a disclosure, especially in this situation where perhaps it's only becoming clear to you how wrong the actions of this psychiatrist were. However I believe that once something like this is 'out in the open' and you're able to talk about it, it can lead to proper long-term healing.

I hope that once you see your new therapist again you'll be able to build a good professional relationship and get the help you need to work through this and move towards completing your degree and living a happy and healthy life.