Triggering (ED) - SCREAMING

Delicious-Malicious · 07-04-2008, 08:14 AM

Recently I have turned back to my old ED habits after a period of recovery.
Im having a hard time dealing with my friends suicide and so Im using my Ed to make me forget.
But Im not forgetting and thats what scares me, it used to help but now it only helps for a very short time and yet I cant stop.
I have the Ed voice screaming at me every second of the day and night and my voice of reason is slowly being totaly dimmed out.
A part of me, a very small part of me wants it to stop but its being drowned out by the part of that just wants to give into this.

_inevermetanothergemini_ · 07-04-2008, 10:21 AM

*hugs* You know that falling back into your ED will only make things worse. Please try talking to someone about this. Look after you and I'm here if you want a chat x

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 07-04-2008, 01:14 PM

hey hun,

I'm so sorry about your friend, i can only imagne how much that must have hurt you.
I know you will get over your friends death, in time, i promise.

I'm so proud of you for having a period of recovery, you should be proud of you too! its such an amazing thing to do, so hard, but so so worth it.
Did you get any professional help with your recovery/ED? If so, can you maybe get back in touch with them? & explain whats happened, i think having somewhere there for you, to keep you safe & to support you, will really help you loads. This is a very hard time for you right now & I think someone really needs to help you through it, sadly, you wont be able to get through it alone.

That small part of you, that teeny part thats rebaling against your ED is YOU, YOU know you need something better, you deserve better than this hell your ED is giving you. Its not a way to live.
Maybe you can try on making that voice stronger? Next time your ED screams at you, tell it to f*ck off!
Its your body/mind, YOU have to tell this ED to get the hell away from you!

Dont give in angel, I know the ED seems overpowering right now, but honestly its not, you just have to find its weaknesses.
You were in recovery before - you can get back there.
Its so brave to choose to get healthy, you are brave enough, i know you are.

keep fighting,
xx <3 helen

Delicious-Malicious · 08-04-2008, 07:08 AM

I did my recovery all on my own, I just realised one day that I was worth more then that and fought really hard to get better and to my amazement I did.
My friends help me a lot, most of them go through similar issues so they can understand where I am coming from.
My therapist helps, but she more focuses on the depression side of things.
And unfortunatly all of my friends who I can talk to this about dont live close enough for me to be able to see them, which is what I need.

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 08-04-2008, 09:43 AM

You can do recovery AGAIN hun. I know you can. Please keep fighting!

Well maybe you can meet up with them every week? or something? & when you need them you can always call them or text or email or msn... they are there for you as you said, i know they would be more than happy to support you.

Maybe try to bring this up in your next therapy session? When you go in, hwo about saying something like 'Can we talk about something different today?... I've been struggling with my ED a lot recently & really would like some support' ? Being honest is the key hun.

Take care,
xxx