ugh.

alicia.rose · 02-11-2012, 08:32 PM

this is just a rant, so you don't have to reply to this or anything.

i went to school this morning, but ended up not even going to class. instead, i sat in the girl's dressing room and cut. so i walked home, which took about two hours, and now i'm home alone. i don't even know what to do. i haven't been this down in a while. i haven't wanted to cut so much in such a long time. gah. i wish i just understood my emotions.

TinkerDebs · 02-11-2012, 11:38 PM

cuddles
whats caused your sudden downturn of emotions and need to cut my lovely? xx

PassedExpectations · 03-11-2012, 01:09 AM

are you feeling any better now?

maybe when you're feeling that unsafe while you're at school you could go to the guidance counselor's office instead of hiding out in the bathroom... usually they're really nice about things like that.

alicia.rose · 03-11-2012, 01:19 AM

ah my counselor, the last time i went in to talk to her, basically only talked to me about how i should kill myself after thirty. she didn't tell me not to do it, or not to make plans, just to wait until after i'm thirty because it wouldn't matter then. basically she was just super offensive and rude about everything, so i try not to go talk to her a lot.

and i have no clue what triggered all this. i'm a senior, so it could be just thinking about college or my life in general, anything. i don't even feel bad. i mean, i'm not upset or anything, just sort of empty-ish. bluh.

PassedExpectations · 03-11-2012, 01:26 AM

obviously i wasn't there, but it sounds like maybe she meant that you should wait until you're older because by then you probably won't want to kill yourself, and the things that are so difficult now will have passed and won't be dragging you down anymore..

alicia.rose · 03-11-2012, 01:34 AM

no she literally said 'if you really want to kill yourself, wait until you're thirty. it really won't matter then.' i seriously wish i was exaggerating, even a little bit. i'd gone in to tell her i hadn't been in my classes because i'd had a mental breakdown, and she didn't really care about that either. i think she just works better with younger people. she did work in a middle school for twelve years.