One time, a few pictures were on my desktop of my laptop (I get lazy and forget to put things in folders) and my laptop died. I had no choice but to take it to the computer shop and I was freaking out knowing if they got it working, there those photos would be.
Thankfully the hard drive was unrepairable and nothing could be retrieved.
I learnt my lesson.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
? I'm a bit confused as to how seeing tiny cuts would cause competition?
Also, for those of you who cant/wont look at other peoples cuts, does this apply only to self inflicted, or to all injuries? (im assuming at the moment that everyone means SI injuries since this is an si forum, but if you get triggered by accidental injury pics as well I'd be interrested in how/why its triggering)
For me, any cut can cause competition whether that be someone else's cut or my own. It depends on how I'm feeling at the time e.g. I'm more likely to engage my competitive feelings if I feel vulnerable, destructive or scared. When I am in my 'right mind' I can leave feelings be, in a way. I know it sounds stupid, but if it's little then I can be satisfied (sick, much) and if it's bigger then it encourages my competition. That is just the way I work. I know it sounds disgusting but everyone's cuts 'trigger' me, I just learn not to address the triggers. They simply stay at be, and I don't hurt myself because of other people, it just causes a little bad thinking.
I wasn't singling you out, just answering your question and that is just my opinion and what I feel.
Thankfully the hard drive was unrepairable and nothing could be retrieved.
For some reason the first thing to pop into my mind about that was Hermione saying "You're going to get us all killed. Or worse, EXPELLED"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shine.
I wasn't singling you out, just answering your question and that is just my opinion and what I feel.
I wasnt feeling singled out, just the only competitiveness I've seen is one-upmanship so I was wondering about the thought process behind smaller cuts making one competitive
I think with me, the main reason cuts on people i've talked to don't trigger is because I would never want that person to feel that they were a cause of my SI.
Seeing huge cuts/scars slows me down because i stop and go holy crap, I dont want to end up looking like that. And smaller cuts I acknowledge just the same as large with regard to how the person must have been feeling to make them do it. I'm not saying smaller is better or anything its just that once I know the extent of injury, I can stop worrying about if theyre gonna pass out or die or something and then focus soley on what caused them to do it. If there is a fresh large injury I will be strongly encouraging a visit to emergency, if its a large scar and theres a lack of fresh wounds it makes me somewhat optimistic. that this doesnt have to keep escalating, that theres hope no matter how deeply one has been pulled into this mess.
Also, I think my need to photograph and keep pictures of every time I cut is because (while sober) I will occasionally black-out and the pictures remind me that yes, it was me who did it, that wound is mine. sometimes i feel like my consciousness is a totally seperate thing from my body so when i look at old pics of my si i tend to cut less severeely because it reminds me that the smaller larger ones didnt really bring me any goodness, or make me feel any better than large ones. but then while actively cutting my mind flips to where large ones i feel more like it matches the hurt inside, even though i know that the size doesnt really indicate emotional pain level
.. i feel like theres more but Im not very good at expressing things with words and I get taken wrong more often than not...
I;m sorry If my thoughts and ponedrings have upset anyone, im just looking for someone to understand, regardless of if they agree or not.
I feel very isolated and inarticulate. .... sorry
.. and im still not making sense, am i?
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
OMGZ I'm not the only one who does this.
I found them on my old phone the other day (I decided to charge it up for some reason) and I was actually horrified at how much I used to hurt myself, and how many scars I left on my arm.
However, yes, if I saw somebody else's then I'd feel really triggered... I think it's because normally when we see somebody else's it's kinda sprung upon us, but if we look down at our own scars then we're prepared because we know they're there.
However, yes, if I saw somebody else's then I'd feel really triggered... I think it's because normally when we see somebody else's it's kinda sprung upon us, but if we look down at our own scars then we're prepared because we know they're there.
do you think if you were warned beforehand that you would still be triggered?
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
I don't see the point of it. But then even the goriest SH pictures do nothing for me. *shrug*
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
My ipod allows me to take video, and for the past couple times ive been taken video of my cutting myself. And then, sometimes if i cant fall asleep, i watch the vids over and over again, and somehow, it makes me fall asleep... has anyone ever taken video before?
This thread has been dead for awhile but I just wanted to share my experiences with taking pictures of my self injury. I have taken pictures basically since I first started hurting myself. I have shown a couple of friends (which I deeply, deeply regret) because I was just so defeated and desperately wanted some help. If that's attention seeking, fine. Its hard to admit but I did. I wanted someone to help me and I didn't know how to say it in words.
Anyways, pictures of others do trigger me a lot because I feel like my SI isn't good enough in any way. It's stupid that I can't even do THAT right.
Also...with regards to getting caught with pictures. I had hundreds of pictures on my camera, which only I use. I found out, months later I might add, that my mom had been snooping around in my camera and seen everything. That really hurt me because it had SOO many personal things including the cuts, scars, words I had carved and writings in blood (yes, I'm a freak). Even still, after being caught, I have the compulsion to take pictures. Like if I don't, they weren't real, weren't good enough, what I was feeling wasn't real.
LOVE her, she's dying. Can't you see her smile is LYING?
I have taken photos before. When I was in a bad state, I thought it was so beautiful. Me, you know. The real me. Seeing those photos now makes me hurt, because I am scarred much worse. What I did do though, was I have two pages in my journal that I kept during a very difficult year, on which I drew my body. I drew my scars as well, and I updated it every 3 months or so...it's almost symbolic to show on the page what my body looks like. It's a new perspective. I was able to show this to my counselor, though I was never able to show her my actual scars. It can be therapeutic, it can not be. Depending on the approach.
"You're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself,hoping no one would find you.But THEY found you,and they took you,and you somehow survived."
Yes. I thought I'd never be those girls who snap pictures that could be found easily on google images but I do. It's a reminder of the times I did that and how I relieved whatever I relieved. It makes me feel good to put them online on a place where a lot of people post the same thing and I can feel less alone. It's embarrassing to even admit that but yes, I do.
I have taken one picture, of the worst time I cut. It was on my phone, and the next day my phone was stolen from school. I was baker acted because of something else I had posted on a forum the day after. Everyone in school found out I had "slit my wrist" because of that picture. I have not taken another since. Sometimes looking at others' photos help, and other times they trigger me. Guess it all depends on my mindset at the moment.
<3
Jaada
Sometimes I take photos of my wounds when they're fresh. I don't share the photos with anyone else, they're just for my own personal reference. Sometimes when I'm triggered, I look at them it makes me feel a little better. It makes the urge to cut not so strong.
This.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
