It's very harsh and judgmental to call anyone in the world "worthless".
It sounds like you feel bitter about people letting you down, if you truly didn't care to have social contacts then it wouldn't hurt you to not have any.
A lot of what you say does seem very contradictory. In one sentence you are saying you don't care about hanging out with people, yet in another you are saying you are sick of being hurt by people letting you down.
Not that there is anything wrong with contradicting yourself, everyone does it from time to time. But I do have to echo what others have said, you must care about how people treat you to make this thread.
But, again, some people do find life easier with less social interactions. Thing is you can't have the total isolation you crave, especially with some of the things you are saying here.
Actually, I think I get what you mean. Is it the constant feeling of being let down that's making you feel like you just want to give up on people and isolate yourself so that you don't have to feel that rejection again?
Thats the conflict going that's going in my mind at the moment one minute I want everyone and next minute I don't care about them. I keep swinging from one thing to the next
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I really do get where you're coming from now! Unfortunately having such a changeable approach to things probably means that you're not being consistent with people so in those times where you do want everyone, you may find yourself disappointed to realise how many people you've pushed away.
I think you need to make a decision as to whether you want to play it safe and keep your distance, meaning that you can't get hurt again but also that you can't feel the huge positives of love and friendship. Or you trust again against the odds and enjoy the good times but be prepared that there will be people who do let you down.
I'm not going to tell you which to do, because in all honesty I'm in a similar boat with some people at the moment and I haven't decided yet, but I do think you may find that you are lonelier than you think if you just cut everyone out. Perhaps you could tentatively keep in contact with people, but keep them at something of a distance so that you're not immediately making yourself emotionally vulnerable.
what you've said has made sense to me now ever with i am truly feeling I really don't feel like I am the right frame of mind to be thinking about going out with people. I am sorry people are constantly messing me about and i just need some peace, quiet with my mobile off for a few weeks/possibly months preferably just away from the outside world/daily life just to get some breathing space. To be honest, I am kind of relieved, glad that I am having more peaceful days now and it's really making feel better. I ain't thinking about K, B, S or HR at all are just meaningless human beings. I have no desire/need or want friends or social life. I just want to hide away in my house where i feel safe & secure, shut and lock the door and tell the outside world that I am on a holiday from life. Peace\
That's all I want right now. Please excuse if I am not regular chat anymore i am taking some time away from everyone/everything and the whole damn world. I have also found that I am not entitled to PIP and i am shocked and devastated that is has happened.
What does it take for me to prove that I really I have an illness.
Last edited by yoyogirl : 16-11-2016 at 07:16 PM.
Reason: adding words, typos
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Already today she's messing me about and I have the text messages to prove it, firstly the appointment was at 10:30 and then it got changed to 11:00 (I had dentist right in the middle) and then just as I was walking down to her base at the cmht she phoned me and said that she just checked her diary and it turns out that appointment is now 14:00. She's already messed me about once this week and this is her second mess up.
Plus the OT had to cancel yesterday as she other plans and apparently misplaced her diary. i have had enough of all this garbage. I just want to go home and tell the outside world/daily life to leave me alone for a long time.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
You don't need to be sorry. It's probably not the choice I would have recommended but either way it's your choice and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. I hope you find it helpful to get some space from things.
Sorry to hear that you weren't awarded PIP and that you got messed around by the worked in the CMHT. You mentioned having 'proof'; has she denied that it's her mistake or something? I hope that the appointment went well. Would she or your OT be able to advise you on the next steps with not having got PIP?
Although its not the best solution for to repetively ignore human contact but there's a lot going on in my mind and i just need a couple of months away from human contact for a while. As my anxiety is generalised there's need to worry about constantly avoiding things and making things worse for me as I have the condition for over nine months and my anxiety has not worsened due to not going outside and facing stuff and actually it's been one less thing on my mind/one less worry which is a relief and one less bullet to cope with.
i am also taking sometime to catch with orange is the new black, orphan black and how to get away with murder and I am also catching up with my open university stuff. I don't really think about having a social life that much at the moment, i just accept it's the norm for me.
Last edited by yoyogirl : 22-11-2016 at 01:35 PM.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
That sounds great that you're catching up with your TV shows (though personally I'm more of a Casualty and Holby city fan myself :P) and your OU work. How's the work going?
OU is coming on great, I am starting to really enjoy my courses more often now that I am getting the swing of things it's getting a lot more easier for me.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I just don't understand my own mind and how it affects my life. One minute i am blocking everyone on facebook, not wanting to speak to single human being and refusing to go to groups and recovery orientated activities and wanting to left alone. Then I am glad and relieved that I don't have face daily life and delighted/proud of myself for saying no to that group.
Then the next minute I am the complete opposite where i want everyone and I am upset that i have no friends and receive no text messages from anyone and i am feeling really depressed about and wanting to hurt myself to escape the misery.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I don't have much advice but I just wanted to say that I can relate to that totally. I go through phases myself where I push people away and then want them back.
Can you try texting friends yourself to reopen communications?
I think I am going to get in contact with my very close online friends/penpals and see how things progress with them. I have also recently got in touch with RW from colouring cafe and I am going to see her tomorrow.
I have also told her about the bpd traits I have that I am overly worried about, the constant splitting between wanting them and wanting to be with them and then constantly ripping them apart and deleting on facebook and i often jump to conclusions and assume she's messing me about.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Hey All
I have recently found out that the job that I had this time last year would like to take me back as full-time permanent employee. They waiting for someone in the office to leave. So that I could take their place. I am shocked, I cannot believe that this is happening. Is it real or I am in a dream?
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Oh wow, if that's a job you enjoyed then it's fantastic news that you may well be able to get the job back; wishing you all the best with that!
With regards to your friends, could you maybe make a note of how your feelings change? That way, during periods of not wanting to contact anyone you may be motivated to try to keep at least some sort of communication going so that things are less difficult when it comes to a time where you do want to reach out and connect with others.
