How do you deal with anxiety when showing your scars?
I've been SI free for 10 months and recently got a job that requires me to wear short sleeves. I have only shown my scars twice in preparation for this. Both times I got very anxious (I have GAD and used to have panic attacks). I felt shakey and tearful and scared. I'm usually a private person and only worn long sleeves for years.
How do I get over this anxiety? How do I feel comfortable when my most precious secret is on display for everyone to see? How have you coped when revealing scars?
I used to wear long sleeves all of the time and would panic if there was any possibility that someone would see my scars, so I can really understand your anxiety. *hug*
I guess I moved forward by trying it out little by little. I'd roll my sleeves up in a cafe or pop to the corner shop with short-sleeves on. I quickly discovered that no one really pays any attention. People are so concerned with their own lives and where they're going, that they don't notice much about other people.
Of course, there's the odd exception. Some people stare. I had one person ask what I did, and one ask why I didn't have plastic surgery (?!), but that's it in about 4 years of short-sleeves and even swimming. I have had a couple of positive comments, such as a congratulations for getting on with my life, which were really lovely.
I feel the fear, I really do, but it's honestly not too bad. It's the anticipation that's the worst part of everything - once you're past the worrying about doing it, and actually doing it, it's much easier than you'd imagine.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
I don't mind showing my scars anymore, but for years I also kept it very much hidden. Like Aubergine, I find that most people don't say anything, and those who do tend to be curious rather than judgemental. I kind of view that I have just as much of a right to wear t-shirts/shorts as anyone else, and that if anything my scars are like a symptom of a mental health problem, rather than a personal secret or representation of me as a person.
hey im not really sure I can advise on how to get over the anxiety. for me it was about becoming comfortable with who I am, and well the scars I have are part of that.
I think I changed my view point that if people don't like me/ have a issue with me, then that is their problem and not mine. so long as I am happy with who I am then I am ok
Has anyone ever had children ask about scars? I'll be working in a children's hospital. Children have less inhibitions than adults and are more curious so I'm expecting to be asked a lot. I was thinking something along the lines "I used to be poorly and it left marks on my skin. But I'm all better now and I'm here to look after you so let's...... Blahblahblah". Do you think that's an ok thing to say?
I am the youngest in my family, many of my cousins have children i baby-sit for, and over they years i started off with a friends cat scratched me multiple times or i would say i had mossie bites on my arm and i was itching them too hard.
I found it hard as you don't want to lie but yet you don't want to tell them the whole truth, so what u have come up with is good
have u asked ur boss about the potential to wear a plan coloured long sleeve shirt under ur work shirt ?
Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you.
I am running the show. Everyone is waiting for me. I decide. I know this now.
Kids definitely seem to ask more, in my experience! Though often its less about asking and more just making observations ("they're funny" or just "look at that persons arms"). I think your idea of what to say in response is ideal, apart from the fact being poorly left the marks - as they are poorly themselves they may think the same will happen to them! If I were ever asked by a child now I'd probably say I got hurt in a big accident as that's something they can understand and not query too much.
I think the example you gave of how you might explain it to children is perfect, Emsie - it's what I'd say too :)
I just wanted to echo what others have said about the anticipation being far worse than actually doing it. My scars aren't as severe as others but they are noticeable and it's obviously what they are. I used to work in a hospital too and I think I had 4 or 5 comments in the 12 months I worked there, so it really wasn't that bad - and none of them were negative, mostly curious.
I also wanted to say that I've had some really positive experiences through wearing short sleeves. I write a blog about makeup and I often photograph swatches of products on my arms, and it's inevitable that sometimes you can see scars. I've had emails off 2 different readers saying how inspiring they find it that I display my scars without shame and that it convinced them to try short sleeves themselves, which is wonderful to hear. You never know what a difference you might be making to someone else going through something similar by wearing short sleeves, which isn't something I even considered before getting that feedback.
Like you're already doing, maybe try preparing some responses to questions you might get and that should help ease the anxiety. Also, like Aubergine said, try doing things in stages. You will be fine and I wish you the best of luck :)
i can't hide my scars because i have hundreds and hundreds of them thanks to skin picking/dermatillomania all on my arms. i've gotten rude comments, curious comments (the most common), etc. i had a kid ask once but i honestly don't remember what i said. the worst was when a coworker told me i should cover my arms (i was wearing short sleeves) because customers might think i was contagious, it was an upscale sort of jewelry store. i was really hurt and offended by that. fortunately (in a twisted way haha, just trying to be optimistic i guess) i have realized that telling people "oh i just have a condition where my skin is constantly overly dry and lotion doesn't help so it breaks out" etc etc. oh and i say i have a prescription lotion for it. that usually just makes the person hush, there's not much else to be said about that haha. i do have some burn scars on my forearms too but they're obscure enough that i say i burnt myself on the oven. honestly i'm at the point where if people want to ask i'll just tell them i don't want to talk about it. sometimes i think that's all you can do!! :) xoxoxo
In terms of adults, I don't think I've ever had anyone comment at all, and I think that's a lot of people's experiences! I don't know if this helps, but I asked two of my close friends what they thought when they first noticed my scars (I'm always curious, and so when I knew them well enough, I asked them) and one of them said that she thought I must have gone through something difficult in the past and the other said she had a Dory moment and thought "oh, she used to cut herself" then forgot after three seconds :P So even though I spend ages worrying about what people think, it made me realise that other people certainly don't spend that much time thinking about it, particularly if there aren't any new marks, as that suggests it's all in the past.
Children are of course another kettle of fish and are much more likely to ask as they a) don't know where such marks come from, whereas adults can normally guess and b) haven't learnt that it's not polite to ask such things. I think your planned response sounds good and it may well turn into a good learning point for the children you work with, as when you leave, their parents may tell them that it's not good manners to ask questions about scars. I once told a child I was attacked by a lion but I wouldn't really recommend that unless you really like being interrogated for five minutes about how on earth you managed to get into a confrontation with a lion...
Thankyou all so much. Reading all these replies has mad me less worried and more confident. I've got some training next week where I'll have to roll up sleeves so I'm hoping that'll prepare me for the wards somewhat. I'm just going to do what I did at interview: Act confident on the outside and then I'll start to feel it on the inside. It's time to move on from SI and MH problems and get on with my life. I can do this ! :D
I spoke to my manager today and she said to say it was an accident and to turn it around on them and ask stories behind their scars.
She was really lovely and I feel so much more comfortable starting on Sunday than I did before. She did say if I get any trouble or if I need someone to talk to then I can talk to her about anything. I felt so welcomed and reassured by her. I wish everyone was so understanding!
Still nervous about my first shift but I feel better now. Just got to power through the first shift and I'll be fine after that. I'm hoping there will be so many new things to learn I won't have room in my brain for anxiety.
Hi there, I see how scared and anxious u are at the moment. I know u dont want anyone to know about the scars but do u have to wear short selves for work? Can wearing something like a long cardie or something be ok?
If u dont feel like talking to anyone about this could writing a letter to the manager help?
Could use foundation also to cover up ur scars? That way no one will hardly see them. This can someone help u not to reveal too much.
Ive only self harmed sometimes but ive never been in that situation. Do know how I can really help but someone might be able to then I can. Sorry x
