On The Edge...

[broken and used]

I'm sitting here looking over the edge contemplating wether to give in or pull back....I need the release so bad..but do i deserve it?
Struggling so bad and I don't even know why..

[PassedExpectations]

how are you doing?

i'm not sure how to answer your question of "do i deserve it" as i'm not sure whether you mean do you deserve the pain (as punishment of some sort) or whether you deserve the release (like its a prize or a good thing)... you don't deserve the pain or to be punished. you do deserve to feel better than you are right now, but harming yourself is not the way to get there.

there are other non-harmful ways to get a release, you've got to keep looking until you find one that works for you.

sitting looking at a blade (or pills, etc) doesn't help you. it focuses you on the urge, it keeps it in your mind. you've got to put it aside and do something else. otherwise its almost a game of how far can i push it, how closely can i toe the line... which is a very dangerous game

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

Really hope you managed to successfully distract yourself and pull yourself back from 'the edge'
xxx

[broken and used]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PassedExpectations

how are you doing?

i'm not sure how to answer your question of "do i deserve it" as i'm not sure whether you mean do you deserve the pain (as punishment of some sort) or whether you deserve the release (like its a prize or a good thing)... you don't deserve the pain or to be punished. you do deserve to feel better than you are right now, but harming yourself is not the way to get there.

there are other non-harmful ways to get a release, you've got to keep looking until you find one that works for you.

sitting looking at a blade (or pills, etc) doesn't help you. it focuses you on the urge, it keeps it in your mind. you've got to put it aside and do something else. otherwise its almost a game of how far can i push it, how closely can i toe the line... which is a very dangerous game

Its eery almost the way you spoke exactly what I was thinking....It's almost like i want to sit here and test myself so I can get mad at myself when i do give in....does that make any sense? I don't know if it willl but thats how i feel right now...

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

That does make sense, however have you asked yourself why you need to fail 'the test'?
Why you somehow *want* to get mad at yourself?
Is there anything that could distract you from these feelings?
xxx

[broken and used]

hmm...I'm not sure why. I guess I want a reason to hate myself...idk.
yeah sometimes...but they haven't been working lately.

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

You don't need or deserve that hate from yourself, it would just cause you more pain and that is not something you need right now.
Please don't give up.
Do you have any friends you could call if things get really bad/to hang out with + distract you?
xxx

[broken and used]

No, basically nobody right now. Staying at my older brothers house, but he's always gone.

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

Could you maybe write him a letter about how your feeling? Would you feel comfortable doing that?
Alternatively you could book an appointment with your doctor/gp and see if they can help you at all.
xxx