Medical Prejudice

[Falaria]

Hello, I'm not certain if this is the correct thread to post in but I have questions about other's experiences of medical prejudice and what can be done.

I have struggled with SI since I was pretty young. Medical prejudice was pretty bad in the 90s. It's gotten better but is still pretty prevalent, in my experience.

I struggle to trust doctors and avoid getting help with self inflicted injuries whenever I feel that I can manage the wounds myself.

My current primary care doctor is wonderful and kind and understanding. She has helped me a lot.

In the last 4 years I have largely been able to cease self injuring except for 2 notable reoccurrences. One after a bad concussion that really messed up my head and the second more recently after multiple adverse life circumstances that left me utterly drained of my ability to cope and I fell back into self harm for a couple of months.

I think I have it back under control. All the items that I was using or might use are with someone else until I feel that I am stable enough to manage any further triggers without resorting to self harm.

Unfortunately, I am left with some wounds that require further medical attention than my primary care doctor can provide.
And so I was referred to a local burn clinic. I really hare going to wound clinics. Typically, the fact that the injury was sustained intentionally by my own hand is met with prejudice to varying degrees.

It's a horrible and vulnerable place to be. I already feel such shame and a sense of failing because of this relapse. And I've worked hard to get it back under control. I don't need others to shame me. It fuels the self harm cycle.

The provider I saw displayed her prejudice as soon as she entered the room and the entire visit made comments, had tones in her voice, and facial expressions that were very rejecting.
She informed me that the surgeon will likely refuse to perform the operation I need.
I asked her point blank if it was because the injury was self inflicted. She said that for the first time they will perform surgery but when it "keeps happening " they feel like "ok, no. Not this time."

I was stunned. I was there 4 years ago with a much worse injury that required hospitalization and surgery. It was largely this incident that inspired me to work so hard to quit.
I've only had 2 relapses and those were after significant circumstances.
I'm not trying to make excuses. But I have worked hard. It's not like I was in there every month or 6 months or even once a year. It's been 4 years.

I was really hurting and felt just so defeated. I pulled into myself. But the nurse was kind and got me talking when we were alone in the room.
She chose her words carefully but said the provider I saw was a very negative person and encouraged me to go ahead and see the surgeon. That he might be willing to operate.

I'm extremely nervous. I already have a huge fear of men due to bad trauma from abuse.
I see him Weds. I just don't know what to say or think or what to say if he refuses to help me.
I feel ashamed and like I just want to hide and not go back there.
I'm trying to give it a chance. But I don't know...

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? Or does anyone have any ideas?

Just for context, I'm in the USA. WA state.

[Auror.]

couple suggestions we could think of quickly

it is short notice, but could you get a letter of support/recommendation for the surgery from your regular medical human and/or any other treatment providers you have? it is shitty but often they will take the word of other medical humans over ours.

is there a family member or friend you trust who could go with you to help advocate or help you feel safer? if not irl maybe you could video chat with them so they can be "present" in a sense?

[Falaria]

I don't really have anyone who could go with me.

That's a good idea about asking my gen practitioner to advocate... but yeah, super short notice. What I could do is go to the dang appt and if he won't help, speak with my primary care physician and ask if she could either talk to him or if there's somewhere else we could try.

I really hate how hard it can be to find help. Or if I do to put my heart behind a wall so that comments, smirks, etc. don't hurt as bad...

[Auror.]

is timing important that the wound get looked at and surgery right away? if not, maybe it would be worth rescheduling the appointment for a later date so you have time to get in touch with your regular medical human and plan? we understand if it can't wait.

can you write some things out like you did here, so you can show them, that way they understand why you need the surgery if you get too scared to say anything?

you deserve treatment and proper care. we really hope they will be nice to you and agree to do the surgery.