Graphic - Feelings of Sexual Abuse

[LoveTheNerdLife]

Hi i am 16 and have had dreams of being sexually abused since i was 5! DCF has been called and the Police which makes me feel worse.... I have PTSD so i tend to blank out painful memories so i only have a little discription of my dreams,
It starts out with me in my room and a man/ my dad walking
In telling me in the middle of the night "its ok baby girl daddy wants to help make you feel grown and strong lik. mommy" don't you want to be like mommy and be grown up? I said yes daddy i do want to be just like mommy..... this is were it gets blury..... ok then baby girl can you listen to daddy? Yes.
Ok shut your door and come here and sit on daddys lap
Ok baby girl this will feel really good stand up and help me with my pants and then i want you to do the same and come sit down on my lap again and that's all i see then the next morning i wake up. With bruises on my tighs , arms and pelvis area, and my bed has white sticky stuff on it and its on me..... i have been to a gynecologist for a pergnecy test and all they say is you are not a virgin and it looks like you havent been since you Were little. Please Help explain, cause i think its my fault that this happens and that i dream it!

[Uglyducklin]

Hi I'm sorry im low on words but im so sorry for what you have been through. I really hope you get the support and safety you deserve and need . I'm low on words I'm sorry.

[Snow White.]

It is not your fault. If something like this happened to you when you were little you were way too young to have this be your fault. It must be really difficult not knowing exactly what has happened to you. Have you ever discussed this with a therapist?

You said the police and DCF have been called, what happened then?
And what made you get a pregnancy test?

Please keep talking with us, we are here for you x

[LoveTheNerdLife]

Yes i have talked too a therapist they said it happened so long ago they cant really help unless im removed from my family.
I got a pregnancy test because they thought when i was 6 i might be pregnant but it truned out i had a ovarian cyst and something else any how i was put on birth control for a while and they said "my little problem would go away." and when DCF and the Police came out th. Police said i was to young to believe and that i was a waste of time and DCF said that they would pull something called a rape test i am not sure and my parents would be alerted of the news and it never came back to me or my mom...and yes it is very difficult not knowing and no one is telling me anything besides my dad and he says no i didn't but its all your fault so im confused and thank you so much i still will continue to talk to you guys love you guys although i dont know you

[LoveTheNerdLife]

Oh and i was diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, Anxiety, BN, AN, and Beginning stages of Multiple personality disorder due to this event or at least that is what my therapist diagnosed me with last time i went 2 years ago