So I was sexually assaulted coming up 3 years ago. I still can't use the word, I had 12 counselling sessions but that's it.
I've been single for the past 7 years, so it's not like it's an imminent issue, but I can't even consider being intimate with anyone anymore. I've even been putting off my smear test for the last 3 years and I'm trying to get to a point where that's something I can face, because it's important.
I bought myself a "toy" recently to try and get used to the feeling (I'm a gay woman so not really used to much being "up there") but even the thought of it terrifies me.
I don’t have any advice I’m afraid. I may do in the future but am coming up to a similar ‘anniversary’ so can’t really think too much into it. I didn’t want you to think you were alone or that nobody had read though. I think this is a topic quite a few members will have experience with but as you are aware, it’s difficult to talk about. I did manage my smear test last year, but not going to lie....it was difficult. But not because of anything the nurse said or did or the procedure, that in itself was actually WAY easier than I thought it would be. But the build up was really intense. Seems silly now given how easy the procedure was but I think the anxiety was more to do with my own concerns about freaking out or dissociating, rather than what the nurse was doing. Do you have any grounding techniques that you use when things are triggering? And also, do you have a good relationship with your GP nurse?
I have no relationship with my drs, I moved to them in March (just before lockdown) because my old Drs gave me someone else's results and triggered my PTSD and told me to get over it when I complained. PALS weren't dealing with complaints and referred me back to the GP in question!
I haven't ever met anyone from my new practice as its all been over the phone so far.
is it possible to take the day off work so you can try to go home and relax/do some comforting things after?
If I panic, I then have to come home to an empty house where I probably won't be safe. If I have the commitment of going to work (3 hours later) I have time to panic but also a commitment that I need to be safe for otherwise my team will be short staffed for the day.
Last edited by Ahimsa : 25-02-2021 at 10:25 PM.
Reason: .
I worked all day, it was so busy I couldn't not - there were still over 80 emails from the weekend when we left at 8pm. I so much wanted to crawl into bed but I couldn't. I did message my manager and say I had a traumatic appointment today and feel awful so may need a rest tomorrow.
I also texted my former counsellor to see if she can help me or guide me to someone who can.
None of this is your fault. It sounds like you're trying really really hard to do all the right things. Like still going to work, letting your work people know you might need time, and trying to reach out for professional support. It's okay to struggle, and now that you know you tried and it didn't go well, that gives you more information to move forward with.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
This is NOT your fault. And I think you were really brave to try the smear. I’m 32 and only managed my first one two years ago. And that was non covid times etc.
It sounds like you might really benefit from some more support for what happened to you. Have you considered self referring to talking therapies (or equivalent), they now do some trauma processing stuff.....
This is NOT your fault. And I think you were really brave to try the smear. I’m 32 and only managed my first one two years ago. And that was non covid times etc.
It sounds like you might really benefit from some more support for what happened to you. Have you considered self referring to talking therapies (or equivalent), they now do some trauma processing stuff.....
Curveball
