Hi, sorry to post. Anniversary today. Struggling. Could do with kind words. Sorry in advance if i delete.
Usually i want this day to pass quickly but not tonight. I don't want it to end. If it ends it will be back next year and the year after and i will still feel this way. Its like being stuck. I want how it makes me feel to stop. I drew a picture today. I do that when I feel bad. I drew how it feels. A picture of a girl screaming in pain, a hand coming out of her stomach. It shows how that hand is the abuse and its still inside, the dirty feeling and the feeling of hands crawling over my body. The only way to stop this feeling, and `get this hand out' would be by ripping through the body.
Thats how i feel. Desperate to get rid of this feeling and thats why i dont want today to end because im still trapped in today. I always have been.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
I can empathise with your feelings. Please don't hurt yourself.
Have you tried visualising "getting the hand out" rather than keeping the hand inside your body? This is an awful feeling. I'm glad you could draw out your feelings. Please keep posting and drawing if it helps you.
How are you feeling today?
"And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.."
Hi Sandalwood, thanks for your post.
I don't know how to visualise getting the hand out.
I've had this continuous feeling of hands being on my body nearly all day. I dont know how to make it stop so just trying to keep busy. I mostly just feel exhausted.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
Our therapist human says when something like that occurs for us to try replacing it with something real - so real pressure of some sort. Sometimes that can be a heavy blanket, a pet, or even a piece of compression clothing if you have it. Do you think something like that might be worth a try?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
What if next year you were stronger to handle it and it didn't have to be like this every year? There's not much I can say right now but I would recommend looking into matrix reimprinting or at least EFT. I've seen matrix reimprinting change lives and it's probably the best trauma treatment I've come accost. I know right now things might feel hopeless but there can be healing from trauma.
Forget the risk and take the fall if it's what you want it's worth it all
Our therapist human says when something like that occurs for us to try replacing it with something real - so real pressure of some sort. Sometimes that can be a heavy blanket, a pet, or even a piece of compression clothing if you have it. Do you think something like that might be worth a try?
I usually hold my teddys hand but that was still wet from washing. He's dry now so im coping a bit better. Thanks Auror :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twisted Fate
What if next year you were stronger to handle it and it didn't have to be like this every year? There's not much I can say right now but I would recommend looking into matrix reimprinting or at least EFT. I've seen matrix reimprinting change lives and it's probably the best trauma treatment I've come accost. I know right now things might feel hopeless but there can be healing from trauma.
I know sometimes things are better but I guess im finding it hard to see that. Thanks for reminding me though. I will look into those. Thanks
Today has been a little better. Flashbacks/feelings of being touched are still there but coping a bit better- although im not sure if theyre flashbacks or im just thinking it all. What's the difference?
A little nervous about going to sleep. Last night i couldn't sleep becuase of panic attacks. But im exhausted so will try.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
For the flashbacks could you try some grounding skills? Some that I've had success with have been splashing really cold water on my face, exercise, breathing exercises, and dumping a large amount of salt on my tongue. The salt one actually works surprisingly well.
Is there anything you could do to help yourself feel safer at night? Sleep with a night light, listen to music, have comfort items? Something else you could try is there is a song that was created specifically to lower anxiety and heart rate. It's not the greatest thing to listen to but research has shown it actually helps. The song is Weightless by Marconi Union.
Forget the risk and take the fall if it's what you want it's worth it all
Flashbacks are better now. Sleeping, not so much. I listen to music which helps.
Work is difficult right now. Don't like being around people. I feel out of place and uncomfortable. Feel angry a lot. Everyone else seems ok. Theres something wrong with me. I can feel it in my body. I worry that people would find out.
You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
Trauma can make people feel crazy but that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's ok to be angry about what happened and but it seems like you want to be happier. If you can I would really suggest seeing a therapist. It can be really helpful, sometimes it takes a bit to find the right one.
Forget the risk and take the fall if it's what you want it's worth it all
