Sorry I'm ignoring you. It is because today is bad and I really can't fake the happiness required to talk to you. I am lonely and wish I could call you and moan and you tell me things and it be helpful but I can't because you're not my mam nor will you ever be no matter how much I wish you were so instead I'll just ignore your call and eat bourbons and sob quietly to myself.
You always know how to make me smile and laugh. I wish we hadn't gone out with each other, it rather ruined our friendship for a while after we broke up, didn't it? But I'm glad that we're talking to each other again. Each message you send makes me laugh and feel a bit happier. You were such a great friend and I could talk to you about anything and everything. I do love you. I just don't love you in a romantic or sexual way, but I'm glad that we've both moved on and are friends again. I've missed you in my life.
I miss you so much that I feel like I'm being ripped apart from the inside out. I didn't know the human body held so many tears. This hurts more than almost anything I know but what scares me more is the days I don't feel like this, the days I laugh and the days I can breathe. I don't ever want to forget you. I promise I won't.
Since when did i turn into an emotionless bitch? I've always been one for being quite cool in person, but this is just taking the biscuit.
I can't decide whether i'm happy or sad, which leads me to believe i'm not depressed anymore.
I don't feel like i'm in a black pit like i used to, i just feel... in purgatory. Kind of floating about.
I'm getting so good at putting on a face. I never open up to anyone about how i really feel, because i don't even explore that myself. How can i explain how i feel to somebody, when i can't even figure it out myself? Haha!
As if it's nearly 5am??? WHERE HAS TONIGHT GONE.
Rarely on here nowadays - I just trauma dump on TikTok instead.
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I'm eternally here for you; if you need me to hold you hand while you raise those entirely valid requests/concerns, I can do that - I can promise to say nothing except that which you have given me explicit permission to say, I can promise to stay completely quiet, if that's what you need, or I can stay out, away, where there is no risk of my causing your humiliation. Whatever you need I can promise to do/be, without causing you guilt or humiliation. I know I can be what you need me to be. I wholeheartedly promise I can be.
I want to take all my pills.
Please fuck off head.
Just fuckoff.
I won't do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm fucking not.
I can't.
For L.
For LL.
I can't.
They need me.
I can't let them down.
I can't let her down.
I can't leave her.
I can't leave little babba either.
So fuck off head.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
I've faked it so long it seems wasteful to give up now, yet 'ceeb' doesn't even begin to explain how little energy or enthusiasm I have for continuing with this act.
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