In December last year I lost my job due to redundancy. It's just part time like while im a student and stuff.
So I said to my cousin's husband who runs a nightclub that I needed something, could he help? And he gave me 2 shifts at the club. He's like, my boss's boss, he's pretty much the head of the whole club and it's a MASSIVE club. So he's really really important.
He basically said to my manager one day, give her a staff tshirt and show her the bar. With everyone else they have to do lengthy application forms and go to an interview, but I had none of that, I was just straight in.
So I've been there 10 months now. And I went on holiday in April and then needed time off for festivals and stuff. My boss is always really good about giving me time off. But I've heard other people complain that she can be a bit of a b*tch and be really funny with some peoples days off.
Last night I was talking to a guy and he said he's nervous about asking for some time off in a few weeks and I said it'll be fine and he was like "yeah, for you, because of *my cousins name*". Well, cousins husband but they married when I was really young so he's always been around. We're not that close but we do get on.
See, I didnt think anyone knew he was my cousin except for my boss. I asked this guy how he knew and he was like "oh everyone was talking about it the other day" and then he saw my face and was like "but i dont remember who" and he wouldnt tell me or say what they were saying.
I'm now totally paranoid that I don't deserve to be there. I had no bar experience when I started and they would not have taken me on if my cousin hadn't told them to. I'm scared if I do things wrong my boss won't tell me, or if she thinks im taking the p*ss over days off because im related to HER boss.
I hate being talked about. And I don't know how they all know cos I thought the only people that knew were me, my cousin and my boss :(
I like my job a lot, how can I let this not bother me?
hey there
try to think of it this way. If you couldnt do the job your boss would have mentioned it to your cousin. they couldnt risk someone stuffing up the job. so you must be doing fine or you wouldnt still be there.
and everyone uses connections when they can. However you got the job you do your best when you're there so try not to worry about it.
if you feel the need to prove yourself then maybe volunteer to do one of the less nice jobs that need doing or something but you've done nothing wrong. try not to worry
Well I don't think im messing up that badly for her to turn round and tell her boss that his wee cousin is useless. But I still get really paranoid im not doing a good enough job. I think it'd have to be something major like if I started stealing for her to turn round and tell him.
I've been "proving" myself since I started. I also just generally have a doormat nature, if theres a job no-one wants to do then ill do it for them. Which has led to me sweeping up vomit to try and keep on everyones good side . One of the bar chargehands said a few weeks ago though that the back room needed mopped when we were all on a break and he went "and not you because its always you that ends up doing it!". Which was nice of him, that he's noticed. But there's not much communication between people so I doubt he's mentioned to my manager that I do work hard.
I'd try and not worry about it. Nepotism happens everywhere and I'm sure one or two of the people you are working with have had saturday jobs in their dad's shop or done their work experience with an uncle or something.
There was a statistic I heard once that was something like "80% of jobs available are never formally advertised"
We live in a world where (sadly in my opinion!) who you know is often more important than what you know.
I think rather than broach your colleagues about it you need to have a word with your boss, tell her that you don't want preferential treatment (obviously that is if you don't want it, if you do carry on as you are!). I wouldn't mention names of who you talked to though, because if your boss then mentions it to him I can bet it wouldn't go down favourably.
I might say something to my cousin on saturday about me feeling that people are talking behind my back about it and see what he says.
Well the preferential treatment is like, me getting days off when I ask and not getting into trouble for things so I dont reeeeeally want to be like "please deny me my days off and give me into trouble".
I think talking to him is a good idea. But it's not abnormal for friends/family to get jobs with each other because they know each other. so try not to worry about it too much. i'm sure you're doing a great job.
I've worked for my mom before, at the clinic she runs, so sort of know what it's like, although she's pretty good about giving people days of and whatever, so I didn't get special treatment with that or anything, just with being there at all. But on the other hand, I was way younger than anyone else there, and not that I was doing the same things or anything, cause I'm not even qualified, but there were things like assessment seminar and stuff where I got to go as an undergrad and everyone else there was way more qualified than I was and stuff.
What I found helped a lot was basically to be an advocate for other people to her. So like, even though she treats her employees really well, it could still be something as small as "so and so wants x kind of pencils for the office," and coming from me it was more likely to happen, just cause if nothing else, I live with her and could bug her about it more often, plus I was just willing to bug her about it more than other people were since she's my mom before my boss. Of course, that doesn't really get at the issue of wondering if you deserve to be there, and although I'm sure you do deserve it, I also know that just saying it probably won't help much, but at least for me, advocating for other people like that was a way that I could feel more useful, and it kind of made it a little less important whether I was just there because of my connections because at least I was using my connections to help out for other people as well, so it might be worth a try. So like if your coworker needs a day off and is worried about getting not getting it and/or getting in trouble over it, then maybe you could talk to your cousin about how that person really needs whatever day off, rather than just when you need a day off yourself. Of course, that all depends on your relationship with your cousin and stuff, so I have no idea if it'll work for you, or if it would even been a good idea to try in your case, but at least for me, it made me feel a lot more useful, especially this past summer when we actually did have a second undergrad intern, but I was getting paid and she wasn't (I didn't get paid my first summer either, and did after that, which was the rationale behind it, but I was still the boss's daughter), and also had more experience and stuff so a lot of the time I ended up with the more exciting projects, so it was kind of awkward at times, but then when I could advocate to my mom for other people it made me feel a bit better about it...
Emily
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I think they would keep me on even if I wasn't that good because it's probably more hassle to sack me.
Another thing, my mum interferes, and when I get no shifts she tells him, and he doesnt deal with the rota, he then tells my boss. So she must really hate me. Despite the fact ive told my mother to BUTT OUT.
Last night though, it was my cousin that was in charge of the night and someone was like "oh GAWD its him thats in tonight" and everyone started moaning and no-one looked at me, so those people clearly dont know he's my cousin!
. One of the bar chargehands said a few weeks ago though that the back room needed mopped when we were all on a break and he went "and not you because its always you that ends up doing it!". Which was nice of him, that he's noticed. But there's not much communication between people so I doubt he's mentioned to my manager that I do work hard.
