I don't know about a code word. Generally these days I do feel able to talk to them or tell them I am feeling bad. I think hesitancy was partly because they were doing something online with their friend's and I didn't want to have to interrupt them or make them stop.
I had a good Friday and most of Saturday was good but I had a minor asthma attack early evening on Saturday . Got it under control with my inhalers without needing extra help. But 1. Currently feel rather ill from combo of asthma, FND and a random sore throat. Plus exhausted. Which means routine is out of window.
And 2. My asthma flaring is triggering for me due to traumatic memories of it being in hospital when it was really serious and when I got admitted for asthma and then developed FND. So I feel quite vulnerable and a bit scared of things getting potentially worse and needing hospital again.
Going to attempt to get a urgent gp appointment tomorrow for the asthma and mystery sore throat. But feeling rather sorry for myself and a little anxious.
That's fair about not wanting to interrupt. Maybe you could ask them about what they would want you to do in the future if they are doing something online with friends? Like would they want to be interrupted or no? That way you'll know if the situation ever occurs again.
Were you able to get a GP appointment? Your fears, anxiety, and feelings in general sound totally valid, and we hope the asthma flare calms down quickly and your throat feels better fast and does not turn into something worse.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
They say it's fine to interrupt them and I come first. But when I am not doing so well I don't believe it is ok, I put other people's needs even ones I imagine they have in front of mine. And my partner runs the game they play on Thursdays so it is not just them that has to stop playing and having fun. Although our friends he plays with our totally understanding, just my own not feeling important enough that pops up at times.
I got an appointment with the Nurse Practitioner, she listened to my lungs and has prescribed me some steroid tablets. This is a mixed thing as steroid tablets usually help my lungs / calm my asthmaa lot but I experience side effects including insomnia, agitation, intrusive thoughts and on higher doses I hallucinate.
I advocated for myself and we are trying a slightly lower dose of steroids than Nurse initially suggested to see if I can avoid the hallucinations. If lungs don't improve have to increase dose.
Proud of you for getting the appointment and agreeing to a lower dose of steroids to try. That must have been really scary. Have you been able to take them yet? Is it something you can alert your partner to be on the lookout for side effect wise? Or is it worth trying to make a plan for what you will do if the bad side effects do occur?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I am taking the steroids. I would rather risk potential scary mental health stuff than scary not breathing properly. And my lungs do feel like they need some extra gelp. So far side effects aren't too bad finding it harder to get to sleep but not fully wired yet. I have been taking them for 2 days now and it usually takes 3 or 4 days for them to start helping my lungs. I am initially on a 7 day course
Partner is aware to some degree of side effects as I have been on them before since we lived together. Not sure if I have had hallucinations around them, I can't really remember. Hoping lower dose will sort lungs, as I usually don't hallucinate on lower dose. I think if I were to hallucinate I would try and talk to my GP and check if it would be safe to temporarily increase my antipsychotics while on steroids.
The steroids have started helping my lungs.
I have also noticed myself being more emotionally fragile, been having incidents where little things make me cry or panic, think I just don't have a lot of capacity for stress right now. And been more agitated last night my thoughts were really racing. Coping ok so far but finding it challenging.
Finished the steroids. Not sure my asthma has completely calmed down but it's definitely better than it was.
Feeling dissociative this evening and my head is heavy and fuzzy. There is a part of me that wants to run away but a bigger part that is like where would I find the energy. Going through try and rest. Need to get back on my routine now my lungs are more with it. Routine definitely helped and I am so far out of it.
routines are really hard. we are glad your asthma is somewhat better and we hope that now that the steroids are finishing things will start to calm down for you. we hope you are being kind to yourself and getting the rest and care you need and deserve.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Been dealing with a lot of trauma bits, old stuff from when I was a kid. I thought I had dealt with it better, or
at least I let myself believe it was more of a non factor now. And it isn't at intrusive flashback level like the newer stuff. But there is a lot more emotion still tied up in those experiences and it all bubbled up. Lot of crying and fear last night. Sleep is not currently my friend.
Been taking care of myself pretty well today but scared of tonight
it's really awful when you need sleep to properly rest but then sleep itself is scary and not restful. we are unsure what to say but have read and care.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Have reassurance that I am trying the right things by using heat, over the counter painkillers and stretches first. But also reassurance that it is ok to take the strong stuff if nothing is working or I am screaming in pain. GP has prescribed a lower dose per tablet of my strong painkillers so I can see if the lower dose will still help with pain but reduces the floaty side effects I don't like. And I can also just take two tablets if I need the old dose.
Had a conversation about safe doses and I am not hitting maximums. Also have a plan in place of trying neuro rehab to see if we can reduce instances of pain but have painkillers for short term / for when it is really bad. And if in long term pain doesn't get better or gets worse we can review then.
All in all a good appointment. I like my new GP they listen more and take time to explain things. Part of me is now being harsh to myself for being so scared to make appointment in first place and being anxious about it all. But I am working on not being critical, I am still getting used to being able to trust my GP wil listen to me again.
Really glad they listened to you and are trying to work on plans you are okay with. If it didn't require medical attention then we think it's okay not to mention, especially if it's just a one off thing and not turning into a regular occurrence. :)
is there anything you can do to turn the day around? a shower or nap to try to reset?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
That makes sense re: it being ok not to tell them, it didn't need medical attention. I just know it can be a warning sign for me. It's not turned regular so far and its been over a week.
I did nap and things are a little better now, although I accidentally burnt my hand while cooking dinner. I ran it under cool water and it's pretty much ok. Mood isnt great but is not as all consuming as earlier
Thanks Lio. I did a lot yesterday helping finish the painting of the scenery for the finale of RPG my partner is running on Saturday. And am paying for it today but making myself rest. Doing my best to look after myself although think I more pushed sadness to back rather than actually dealt with it in Tuesday.
Came in here as I am frustrated. On Tuesday my partner went to pick up new strong painkiller prescription from pharmacy and was told it wasn't ready. I wasn't in pain so we left it a couple of days, today I am in pain and might need it so partner went back to pharmacy and they said they haven't received electronic prescription at all. Ring GP surgery and it turns out GP put in my notes we would try the lower dose of meds but didn't put prescription in. He is in tomorrow so reception has sent him a message but doesn't help with pain tonight.
Plus we are meant to be going away for the weekend tomorrow afternoon through until Sunday lunchtime to stay at a cottage and run the RPG finale. So may not be able to get hold of it until Sunday. *Crossed fingers* pain will pass and I wil be well enough to go away.
Pain held off for weekend away. Still haven't got medsas I got text telling me prescription had been sent at 18:35 on Friday when I was already away. Should be picking them up tomorrow as I fell asleep as soon as wusre got back this afternoon and when I woke up pharmacy prescription has been sent to was closed.
In some pain it hurts but its sort ofmanageable. I could / possibly should take paracetamol or ibuprofen to treat but getting thoughts telling me not to because I deserve pain. Not that I am feeling particularly sad or anything just self harm urges getting creative. The pain really sucks though so trying to persuade myself to be rational and take something or get a heat pack.
EDIT I took painkillers because Jenna responded to my do this now post saying 12 days seizure free was great news. And that made me think about how the 12 days seizure free is partly due to me managing my condition better. And pain can trigger seizures so I needed to treat pain. Wanted to write out thought process as a reminder for next time I get thoughts like this.
Last edited by long road : 26-03-2023 at 10:59 PM.
Reason: Rational Jen won because Jenna was positive in a positive thread
I made it into 14 days seizure free. Just. Yesterday was tough FND wise. But I managed to rest and while I got almost every FND symptom: leg spasms, arm spasms, back spasm, dizziness, brain fog, fatigue, pain. I did manage to calm myself enough to not have a seizure and to just rest.
I wish having fun and doing more didn't have consequences. I have strong pain meds now, partner picked them up yesterday morning, came close to needing them yesterday but managed on just paracetamol and ibuprofen. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to do a tenth of what I did at the weekend. And while I am still dealing with having done so much I didn't have a seizure. Problem is just because I am better than I was doesn't stop the rage at not having the physical ability I had without effort for years, I am probably healthier emotionally but there is so much to deal with that the mental struggle is more evident. I can express most other emotions now but I really struggle to express any kind of anger either I turn it on myself or push it down neither which are healthy. Sigh...
I never know how thinking positively works. Like optimism is meant to help and I try it but it doesn't feel genuine, I find it hard to believe the positive statements. Its why I use data and logic to help convince myself of things because it's harder to argue against.
That and I am often so scared that optimismistic viewpoint is going to be dashed that I head the opposite direction into pessimism but convince myself that I am being realistic.
Anyone know how positive thinking is meant to work? Does it only work when you are in a good place already? How can convince yourself.that positive things can be true or that good things happening aren't instantly going to fall apart?
I may also be a bit agitated and on the edge of some self harm thoughts. Thoughts I kind of have the opportunity to act on as my partner is napping. Think I am going to try not to act on them though.
Last edited by long road : 28-03-2023 at 06:04 PM.
Reason: Added A bit I was thinking of not saying
