*cries*

[fallen wings44]

at school there was akid who told me that i was a compete failure and that my parents wished theyed never see me... and then he laughed at me....
no....
i dont know if that will ever happen...

[talaiporia]

You're not a complete failure; that kid's a jerk.
It's not true at all, don't listen to him.

[fallen wings44]

*cries*......but.... its hard not to..

[lostwanderer]

I know what you are going through. Stay strong, because this pain will be useful to you in the future. I KNOW you will come out of this depression and become a much stronger person. There are people in this world who care, I CARE. Know that you are not alone and if you need to talk to anyone, you can message me anytime. I've been depressed most of my life and can relate. Day by day I am slowly breaking out of it. Good luck, the universe is there to help you!

[fallen wings44]

i asked my friend (the friend that i could talk to..in the past...) i thought she still wanted to be friends with me so i um.... invited her to my house to go trick or treating today (its holloween) i didnt make any appents since i asked her because if i die before she woiuld have came then i would have been burndening her because then she would have came to my house for nothing.....so i tried very hard not to make any apmets before she would have came.......but........she didnt come....*cries* WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT SHE WOULD COME!!!!!!!!!! *cries*........i....actully hoped.......*cries*

[fallen wings44]

.....theres no hope left.......i lost all of it..... i cant take living anymore!!!!!!!!! life is full feelings that i cant take anymore!!!!!!!! i have to do it.... i dont know what esle to do.... everything is so hard!!!!!!!!! living is too munch to hadle!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*

[talaiporia]

How are you now?
I'm sorry you're friend bailed on you. It's always horrible when that happened. Do you know why?

There's always hope. You can do this. *hugs*

[fallen wings44]

.....still the same...the only diffence is that im trying to figure out a plan to die......

no.... but now that i think about it more.. she isnt the one to do that without some reason behind her actions.....but i dont know her reasons for doing that......

ill try.... but its getting too hard...... life is too munch to bear....
*hugs you too*

[talaiporia]

Please don't figure out a plan. It makes it all so much more tempting.
You can do this. Stay strong.
Is there any way you could see a doctor about this? You said before that your parents don't really believe in depression? Is there another adult that could take you?

[fallen wings44]

ill try........but its hard.....im tried of fighting.....

i dont know..

yeah......

i dont know what you mean......

[talaiporia]

Could you see a doctor about this?
Is there soemone that could take you?

[fallen wings44]

i dont know.....

as a peitent? i dont know....

[talaiporia]

I mean, it might be a good idea to get proffesional help. Your parent's don't seem to understand about the depression?
Do you have someone who could take you?

[fallen wings44]

...no i dont....... the phyclogist hasnt called my mom at all still....... i tried asking her for a new one but she doesnt know who could see me....(the physlogist that i was seeing was a recommation from someone esle and the pscologist was only doing a favor for that person....)

[talaiporia]

Does your school have a guidance counselor that could recommend someone?

[fallen wings44]

no...i dont think so....

[talaiporia]

Can you try bringing the subject up with you parents again?
Explaining that you really need to see someone?

[fallen wings44]

i dont know......


i dont know why.......but yesterday i wrote a letter to a kidat my school telling her how i really felt and that i had no psyclolgist and the reason why i dont want anyone to know how i really feel and in the letter i beged her not to tell the teachers or to show the letter to anyone and i asked her to reply me back through email............... i regret that very very very very munch......... i dont know if shes going to tell the teachers because if she does then everything will get worse.........

i broke down and cried last night i just felt very very overwelmed... it seems like life is is too overwelming and i cant deal with it anymore........

[talaiporia]

Can you tell your parents about this? Or show them this thread?
You really need to speak to someone.
Maybe your parents could try ringing the psychologist again? Or see if you can see another psychologist?

[fallen wings44]

no...they wouldnt understand at all they dont about RYL............

i know...... but i dont know how to do that without my fear of making them feel scared, worryed or upset stoping me from doing that....

i dont know.....

The following content has been hidden - Reason : ............

today i broke down and cried three times and the thid time my parents foundout and my mom came in my room while i was crying and said "you have to be ready at 2:30 for youe eye doctoer appaimtnent torrmow. ***** is trying to sleep she has school tomorrow. be qeit. shut up!!" then my dad came in later and started yelling saying" SHUT UP OR IM GOING TO DRAG YOU OUTSIDE!!!!" then he came in a secound time and yelled at me again saying" SHUT UP THIS IS THE LAST TIME IM WARNING YOU IM GOING TO PUT YOU IN THE GARGE SO NO CAN HEAR YOU!!!!" but he didnt do that because i guess people outside would hear me.... i coulndnt stop crying.... i cried for allmost two hours.....it wasnt until i tryed to trow up that i stoped........i can barely hadle only being on the computer for one hour every other day......i couldnt take when she wouldnt let me on the computer today even though it one of the days wear i could get on..........self harm, my ED and what i do on the computer are the only things that give me the least bit of releif(SH) and control(ED and computer,SH) in my life now.............(i had to sneak on my dads laptop to post this) *cries* i dont think i can hadle living munch more..........its too hard.....