Hopeless at dating…advice?

[Arienette]

Hi,

It’s been a long time I’ve posted on here.

I had one long term relationship that ended horrendously. This was a number of years ago now. Since then, I’ve had a few short term boyfriends but I am more gay than bi tbh. I got a big crush on one friend, he turned me down because “he didn’t want a relationship” and “he likes me like a sister”.

I moved on (took ages) and then I got a crush from someone at uni. I initially wrote it off as a never event because I assumed she was straight. We became mates and after talking for a while she said she’s bi. A lot of crazy stuff has happened the last 18 months and she’s been there for me every time in some capacity. I got a ridiculously big crush on her for a number of reasons, anyway today I made the move to tell her I like her and ask her if I could take her for a drink. She said it was very sweet but she really likes men.

I’m a bit heartbroken but also, I keep going wrong in the same way. Anyone got any suggestions?

I’m 32 as well so not young and yet still hopeless apparently.

[going_nowhere]

I thought I'd replied but it didn't seem to post

Anyway, what I said was although I can't really offer any advice as I've never been in a relationship, what I do know is that while rejection hurts, it doesn't have to be about you. You can do everything right and not be going wrong, but people are crazy complicated who often don't know who or what they want, realise too late or never, or sometimes circumstances just aren't right.

I know it doesn't change the hurt but don't tell yourself you're "going wrong" because there is no right and wrong with this stuff. Everyone is 'hopeless' at it until it works out, and then they're not.

[Arienette]

Aw thanks for your reply.

I met a wonderful wonderful man about a month later and it’s been going amazing since. Funny how things work out. I’d decided to not bother until 2024 again then this guy just strolled into my life on the off chance.

I even started a ‘dating workbook’ to organise my thoughts and feelings etc. Triggered myself, had flashbacks, wanted to do something to move away from it and managed to just cry, sit with it and go to sleep. Anyway the thing I write about what I wanted from a future partner waltzed into my life which blows my mind.

The universe has really been working with me the last year.

[Auror.]

glad to hear that things have been going well for you!

[Arienette]

Thank you. Me too :)