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Positive recovery post - STAY ALIVE
Hey people!
So... a few days ago, I was sitting in class and I had a random panic attack. Later that day, I ended up getting really depressed and having a really bad relapse after a month and a half without cutting. The next day, I almost had another panic attack, but I managed to shut it down. Later, I was starting to feel a crazy amount of stress/depression/loneliness... basically, overwhelming and confusing emotions that were pushing me to the point where I was starting to think about suicide. I didn't want to let myself get to the point where I was going to have a full blown panic attack and I really didn't want to cut again to deal with everything, so I made a list. I was going to write down everything that I had to get done, but it ended up just being a list of how to take care of myself in that moment. I wrote "disinfect cuts. make tea. take a shower." and a few other things. But the most important thing I wrote on my list was at the very bottom. I wrote "STAY ALIVE" in big letters.
It seems like a basic thought, right? Stay alive... everything about your body is designed to help you do that. but in a moment of distress and panic, when I wanted to do the exact opposite, just writing those two simple words down on a piece of paper was enough to kind of bring me back to rational thoughts. I started to see that in reality, staying alive is all that I had to do. All the schoolwork, chores, and other crap that I was stressing about getting done were all secondary to staying alive.
So I guess that what I'm trying to get across to everyone is that all you have to do is STAY ALIVE! Don't let depression or anxiety get the better of you. As long as you're alive, you can conquer anything that gets in your way. Write it down if you have to, but never forget to stay alive. Stay strong everyone!
~Mandy
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No matter where you are in your life, no matter what you look like, or how you feel, or how you think you should live, know that at this moment you are beautiful because you are alive and you exist .
