Hey guys. I have limited internet access until they work out I have internet on my phone.
I was admitted to psych ward last night after being ina &e
Said last night I may be transferred because of my 'risks' which they won't deal with.
So, on one to one obs until Monday when I find out what the fuck is happening. I'm technically informal, but if I try to leave be sectioned.
Was supposed to be seeing midwife on monday, nurse said I might still be able to.
That's going to look good.
Fuck. Just. Fuck.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
im sorry that you've ended up in the hospital and that you don't know what is going on at the moment. however, if the hospital is what you need to stay safe, i am glad that you're there.
do you have anything that you can do in the meantime to stay busy? i used to have people bring me in puzzles and books and game books and such...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Sorry to hear that but they've kept you there because they really think you need to be there. Try to work with them? I hope you have things to keep you distracted and can find out what's going on soon. Stay strong <3
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
I'm trying to put on a happy face.
Really feeling shit. And still on obs.
So can't hurt myself.
Tried to discharge myself earlier. Didn't go too well. Had to have someone in the Fucking shower room with me.
Should be used to this by now. I've been in these places enough.
Again, been told I may have to be transferred cos they don't deal with the risks.
I should just shut my Fucking mouth and pretend to be ok.
They are saying I said things that I don't think I said.
They are concerned that I think something is in my brain, controlling it. How do they know there isn't, they can't see in my brain.
Fuck, what if they put it there and they are just trying to make out I'm crazy. They can do that.
I don't trust them at all.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
What did you do to end up there? Where ru? Where are they thinking of transferring you to? How u doing.. really hope you can keep your baby and will stay well to care for it xx
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
I cut pretty badly. And then ended up here.
I'm in eastbourne. Random ward. Nurses are too nice, even when we had those little altercations today and tonight. I'm suspicious. Why would they be so nice when im trying to set myself alight. No.
They will probably transfer me somewhere they can renew the brain control thing. And see what data they have collected ion the old one.
I need to get out if here. But all exits are locked.
I can't wait until someone opens one because in
M on obs.
This day has gone so slowly. No one has written up my folic acid and iron tablets. They are all against me, they just want to control me.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm so sorry to hear that things are so bad for you right now. If I'm honest with you, and I know you won't want to hear this, it sounds like you need to be in hospital. I'm glad the nurses are being nice to you - you deserve to be cared for and looked after in a respectful way, regardless of behaviours caused by your illness. I hope that they will be able to help you and place you in a suitable unit for you whilst pregnant.
Thinking of you lovely and hoping things improve quickly,
I'm hoping to be discharged tomorrow. But as they are going a little more ott about obs, I can't see that happening.
Don't care what the fucking doctor says tomorrow. I'm leaving no matter what.
Trying to be happy today.
I havnt stopped fighting really, I'm just doing what I was doing before, but suppose im just noticing it more cos of being here. II don't needneed to be here. Seriously. The people here are so ill.
I shouldn't be here.
I'm not unwell, its just my time.
They don't understand.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
How are you able to try set fire to yourself? Don't they take away lighters etc? No one is against you they sound like they trying to help you think of the baby? Has any one been to visit you? X
They didn't bother taking away my lighter because I'm on obs anyway. They tried, failed.
They could have got it off me if they wanted, but I think there is something going on.
I need to find the boxes today. But I'm much too tired. It's important though. They could kill someone.
One of the guys from the house came yesterday and brought.some things. He stayed for a while and we played pool and table tennis downstairs for a bit.
If was really nice of him to come, he said he felt bad that he didn't notice something was so wrong.
But no one did. And he has a lot if his own problems to sort out.
I'm trying to stay in bed today, so I don't do anything.
Then they can't keep me tomorrow. They will have no excuse.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Hunni, you know the boxes aren't real, deep down. You need to be there still because you are thinking that they are real at times, and I'm worried about what you might do to try to "find" them.
I know you want to try to sneak your way round them tomorrow in order to get out, but do you really think that that's in your best interests? xx
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Please try and work with them, so that they can help you. Trying to escape is only going to make them keep you there for longer. Instead, if you work with them to reach a place where you are safer, they are more likely to discharge you.
How are you feeling, in yourself, physically. Have they written up the folic acid yet, and have they taken note of your pregnancy. I hope the ward rounds went okay.
Let us know?
*safe hugs*
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Hey.
Just saw the doctor and they are letting me go as long as the house are happy to have me back!
They should have rung them now, so just waiting for I don't know what.
Apparently they were going to transfer me back to herts today! Sneaky buggers!
Just want to gtfo of here. ASAP.
For some reason I'm still on one to one, so a little suspicious
I'm hardly going to try and do a runner again now they've told me I can go!!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Some places put everyone on 1:1, it may be that you are on the type of ward that does, or that they have you on a closer watch as a precaution due to your pregnancy?
Be gentle with yourself, and do try to work with them.
Would you have preferred to go back to Herts, and can you check if that will still happen?
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
