Hi, I'm new here. Leiah Poem is not my birth name, however, that is what I would prefer to be referred to as here.
I am 21 yrs old. I've been SI free for approx. 11 months, but still struggle with the urges.
I have found that relationships and their problems are common triggers for me. Last night was rough and I began feeling the urges. I was searching the web trying to find some kind of help when I stumbled upon this site.
I was seeing a psychiatrist, unfortunately for me the clinic I was a member at went bankrupt and my psychiatrist happened to be one that was placed in a different location. He was a wonder guy and it took me 18 months to even open up to him at all. It's been six months since that time and I've been on my own.
I've lost most all of my friends because they couldn't deal with my SI and common mood swings. I was also suffering from severe depression. I also currently suffer from an anxiety disorder.
My family doesn't understand and it's quite difficult to speak to them about it. I began SI before kindergarten but it was minor. I had a rough and traumatic childhood. My SI didn't really become a problem until middle school and then by the time I had turned 14 it was a full on addiction. By the time I turned 18, I had been hospitalized and my family was more afraid than anything, having just realized that something was wrong. Unfortunately they were anything but supportive. My Dad doesn't speak to me as much, probably out of fear. My siblings often ridicule me and my Mom blames my friends. She's blind to herself as a possibility as the cause of my addiction.
I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 3 months now. We were together before when I was 14, but I felt the need to end things. I was having troubles at home and as I mentioned before at that time my SI was full on addiction. He didn't know how to deal with my problem and said things that sent me into a downward spiral. He didn't mean to and had said things out of fear. We have now worked things out and are together, however, I have fear of it reoccurring. He says that I can talk to him, but the fear holds me back. Also, as mentioned before: relationship triggers.
I'm sorry if my intro is too long, I've never done this before.
Your introduction wasn't too long at all, so don't worry. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time at the moment- triggers are sometimes really difficult to deal with but try to stay strong and keep fighting.
I hope you find the support you need here at RYL. Feel free to PM me if you need anything xx
Hi, and welcome to RYL!
Urges can be difficult to deal with and I really hope it helps you being here, well done for being free for 11 months though that's awesome to hear!
Also well done for opening up to your psychiatrist-it shows that you have the strength in you to do it again if need be. You might feel isolated at the moment but I how RYL can become a place where you feel safe to open up and hopefully make some friends in the process. It's lovely to meet you, and no your intro wasn't too long at all because it's always nice to know a little about someone's background!
Take care and if you ever need anything I'll only be a PM away!
Kiran
xx
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
Hey hun.
*waves*
Welcome to RYL
Hope you get all the help and support you need.
*hugs*
Look forward to seeing you around the boards.
My PM box is always open.
Take care.
Amy x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
