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I don't know where you live, so I can't say for sure, but over here, they're not going to "lock you up" just because you say you feel suicidal. Heck, half the time they wouldn't even lock you up if you actually attempted suicide in their office, right in front of them, during session.
As for medication side effects... I've been on quite a few psychiatric medications, and have only ever had side effects from exactly one medication, which I tried for a couple days for ADHD and ended up going back to what I was on before because of the side effects of the new one -- other than that, I've had exactly zero side effects. Well, apart from that I sometimes feel more alert after taking my stimulants (for ADHD) in the morning when I didn't get enough sleep the night before, which is technically considered a side-effect, but is more like an extra little bonus than a reason not to take the meds. With just that one exception, the only reasons I've switched meds have been to see if something else would help even more -- side effects have never been any issue at all. Of course, for many people they are -- there's certainly nothing wrong with you if you do experience some side effects -- but as likely as not, you'll be able to find a medication or combination of medications that work for you with basically no side effects, or at most, with very mild and entirely tolerable side effects. And honestly, they might not even give you any medication at all unless you specifically ask for them. Unless there's really good reason to believe that medication would be particularly helpful (for certain disorders and symptoms, medication really is just the best treatment option), most mental health professionals tend to favor therapy over meds to start with. And if they do prescribe meds straight off, there's generally a very good reason, and really, you should just be glad it was that easy (therapy, although definitely worth it, is a lot harder than simply swallowing a pill each morning -- having experienced both, I very much prefer meds to therapy on a short-term basis, even though I understand that for many things, therapy will help more than meds in the long-run, and I do my best to go with therapy rather than meds if that's what's going to help the most overall).
I know how hard it can be to go in at all. Or to open up to them when you do go in. But I promise you it's worth it. Whatever you have to do to make yourself go (even if it's self-destructive, just as long as it's not life-threatening), do it, and just get in there. Honestly, I'd rather see you do something that's bad for you but get in there and get help than not do that thing and not go in for the appointment and start getting the help you need. Ideally, you can go in for your appointment without engaging in SI or any other negative behavior. And if you can do that, that's totally awesome, and it definitely doesn't have any impact on how much you "deserve" to get help -- if you're struggling, or feel you need help for whatever reason (we're not always good at seeing how much or why we need help... at least, I'm not... and whether it seems like you need help for the most trivial of things, as a matter of life and death, or anywhere in between, you absolutely do both need and deserve help just as much as anyone else, no matter how much more or less "sick" they may seem... chances are, if you truly had *all* the information -- which no one but G-d can really have/know -- you'd see that anyone you're tempted to compare yourself to is actually no more or less "screwed up" or "sick" than you are, they simply express it in different ways or have different issues they need to work on). But if you need to engage in some type of destructive behavior (SI or otherwise) in order to get in there and get the help you need, I'd have to say, I think it's worth it. As much as I want for you to be safe and happy, and take care of your self, I think that getting competent and appropriate professional help is even more important, and whatever it takes for you to get in there, it's worth it. Definitely some people can do it with no problems at all (and even for people for whom it's a struggle, it might be only some of the time -- personally, there are times when I can deal with these things in a completely healthy way, and other times when I'll end up cutting, and drinking, and I don't even know what else, to even have any chance at all of making it in, and I still may end up not turning up at all... and best I can figure, it's completely random how it goes... I'm sure there's plenty of reasons why I react the way I do each time, but I've yet to make any progress at all figuring out what any of those reasons might be), and for others it's virtually impossible, or it could be anywhere in between... fact is, no matter how you feel about it is normal (sounds silly I think, but honestly there's such a wide range of "normal" that I actually believe that's true, and not just something to make you feel better or whatever). And whatever you need to do to make it in for your evaluation, I promise it's worth it. If there's anything I or anyone else can do to help please let me/us know -- we're all here for you. I know it can be absolutely terrifying to go in for an evaluation... but it can also turn out to be one of the best things to happen in your life, so just go for it, and let us help you any way we can.
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