Indeed. The very worst of my BPD traits have calmed down and stabilised, and I'm continuing to work on it, through intensive therapy and medication. It is possible.
My main problem is impulsivity - the problems that this causes for me just leads to more :S
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Aye, just to back up about not self diagnosing, it can be very, very disempowering with services.
For instance, whenever my old old social worker said something inappropiate if I repeated it back to the doctor at the next session it would be 'oh no, that's your bpd thinking I said that' or 'it's because you've got bpd you've misinterpreted everything'. She could never accept the idea that she had done/said something wrong and it was always that I couldn't do something because of my bpd.
Also bpd often comes with a long history and quite often doctors/psychologists etc will run a mile from treating you because you look like too much hard work to them.
On the other hand, I knew I had bpd before I was diagnosed with it, and I did want the diagnosis because I thought it would mean if they could name it, they could cure it. Unfortunately it hasn't turned out like this, and now I flinch and mutter something about depression rather than admit to bpd.
Regarding CBT, took two or three years of it before it did any help with my OCD, but it did work wonders when it finally did. However I think you have to be in the right frame of mind and have the right therapist before it works.
I have en referred to long term psychotherapy for my BPD. Any one else had that?
Antidepressants are not working for me, although there was a one point talk of using mood stabilizers off label for the mood swings.
One oe things i hate is the self doubt. Everything you think, you considering if that was how it was meant of it is your own screwed up interpretation. And my mind dosnt sit still.
A while back I talked to my therapist about BPD, and she laughed at me and said that I was too young to be diagnosed with a personality disorder because I was still a teenager. Now, I have a new therapist (not doing a lot of good,) and I am almost 18 (one month!) I have been diagnosed with major depression, but that doesn't seem to be helping anything, and still doesn't fit all my problems and symtoms, but BPD does. I don't want a diagnosis just for the sake of having one, i just want to know what is wrong with me. I have been trapped in this hell for a little over five years, and I just want to break free, but everything I am trying is only digging me deeper. I don't know why I posted this, I guess I needed to vent to people who understand a bit.
"I cannot change the past, but my future is my chance to prove I can change."
"Sometimes our deepest wounds, are the ones we inflict on ourselves."
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
mine right now is bad like today i found myself crying because my best friend saw her other friend before she saw me and asked her to go to the hospital with her whn i had offered a while ago and she said ok now maybe i'm misunderstanding it but it really really pissed me off
grrr i cnt stand it anymore
i have tried living with it and it just doesnt work.
im wsting all my money on **** all...
im always telling my bf i love him and then i hate him and its making us fall apart now. how many more years can he put up with it!
im gettin no help from anyone atm!
i just harmed myself again and god..i swear i could do it agin and again
Mines is just, i dont know, there but not there, it keeps telling me to do things, nightmares of things that are going to happen, and i wish people would understand i cant control this, it controls me.
People make it sound so easy to get over, oh just dont listen to your head, youl be fine in a bit.
its not that easy
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I've found the BPD symptoms have got better as I've got older, but I think that's because I've gained more experience in how to deal with myself and nip bad behaviours in the bud rather than let them get out of control. Professionals were kind of useless with it, just pushing me round from one person to the next, so I dealt with it myself in lots of ways. It can be so strong though and I don't always win my battles.
xxxxxxxxxxx
How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Hi there. Has anyone here been diagnosed with BPD but really don't believe they have it? When I was diagnosed last year I thought there might be some truth in it and I was just denying it to everyone else but now I honestly don't think I do.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
I denied it for ages but the more I thought about the symptoms, the more I learned, I kind of figured at least in part it was a good description of what I was going through, among other things. I hope you're ok hun xxxx
How could you become as awesome as you are and still feel like a loser?
Mines is just, i dont know, there but not there, it keeps telling me to do things, nightmares of things that are going to happen, and i wish people would understand i cant control this, it controls me.
People make it sound so easy to get over, oh just dont listen to your head, youl be fine in a bit.
its not that easy
yeah i do have professional help...they just arent much "hélp" though.
i try to tell them how i feel and how things are and tehy just say "mmm right! i will c u in a few weeks and see how things are"
thats no help when my mind is all over the place.
I totally know I have BPD even though I haven't been diagnosed. I display every trait. I've found the mental health services to be so limited and useless.. I've been seeing a doctor since January and they still haven't sorted out a psych for me...!
Before I was diagnosed and to begin with when I was I really did think I had it, just didn't want to admit it but now I really don't think I do. I don't have many of the symptoms at all anymore - I've stopped self-harming, haven't had a suicide attempt for 6/7 months, my mood swings have calmed down etc. But I didn't think you could recover from BPD just like that. I can still feel everything hiding there still but it is getting better and I think I can not go back to them. But surely if I did have BPD I wouldn't have got better just like that? I thought it was supposed to be something difficult to recover from.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
i WISH that BPD did not have so much stigma attached, and it does....it's ovious! professionals have even said that i am 'acting borderline' as an insult, and told me to 'look it up'. I wish they would rename it too...maybe in the next DSM it will be. I would like them to call it something like 'emotion regulation disorder'....or something....i dont know.
Anyway, my heart goes out to all who are affected, and all who have copped the stupidity of others ignorence and misunderstanding and related stigma-type-things!
HUGS
kat xoxo
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
i think its other name is emotional unstable disorder (i think). But thats name is more truer to the disorder, rather thna borderline. In the past it menat something different, and i hate it when people have no idea about bpd and assume you have a split personality because of the borderline part
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
