Found out someone I know also has an ED...

[ekb]

Last week a girl I know told me about her anorexia. I'm really grateful she was able to speak about it and I'd like to be able to support her but I can't help but feel super triggered.

I've had bulimia since 2010 and other ed-related habits since 2007. I'm not ready to talk about this to anyone I know irl yet.

Since finding out I can't stop thinking about it and comparing myself to her, wondering what she eats or how much she exercises, what her BMI is, etc etc... basically feeling really competitive.

I've had urges to self-harm and restrict, and I feel like a failure for not having the same routine as I did when I was at my worst. At the same time I feel like a bad friend to her for being so weird about the whole thing. She doesn't seem ready for recovery and I'm not sure whether or not I am, so I'm worried that if we did end up talking about it more we could be a bad influence on each other.

I've asked her how she's doing since and she hasn't seemed to want to talk about it again, but I'd like to be able to be there for her if she needs anything. English isn't her first language and she's not totally fluent, so communicating about sensitive topics can be tricky, too. There's also the typical "how do I help them?" kind of thing - I noticed yesterday that she has self harmed for the first time since I've known her (or at least, in a more visible place and quite a large amount). I'm really concerned about her but don't want to put pressure on her.

Has anyone had anything like this happen to them, or does anyone have any idea or tips about how to deal with this?

(PS hey! I'm a new member and this is my first post so let me know if I've done anything wrong or need to change/add anything!) x

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Heyloo Emma! Welcome to ED board!,
I'm Helen & if you ever need anything feel free to drop me a message

First of all, I'm proud of you for being so honest, I know how hard it is to type things out sometimes. Secondly, what you're feeling is normal & quite common in those who have eating disorders & its nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about; You aren't a bad friend for feeling like this, you're simply engaging in eating disordered behavior/symptoms - You have an illness, & that can't be helped.

You're not a failure for fighting your eating disorder Em, (Can I call you Em?!!), You're actually a fighter. A strong fighter. *squish* & I'm really proud of you for fighting the pull of routine that an eating disorder brings.

You say you're worried about talking to her because it might become negative. If you did talk to her, maybe you could discuss this issue? If she can't speak English that well, is writing an option? Or even an online translation?

It is worrying that your friend has been self-harming, do you know if any of her family are able to support her?, Does she receive professional help?, You're doing the right thing by just being there for her, she obviously trusts you, otherwise she wouldn't have told you about her Anorexia,, I would imagine she wouldn't mind if you expressed your concerned & perhaps asked her up front what she'd find most helpful?

x x x

[Laura2.0]

Hi Emma,

my best friend has anorexia so I guess I understand it a little bit what it is like for you.
I didn't know how to help her/talk to her about it when I was worrying at first, too. it was really confusing for me because one day she ate something and the next day she couldn't eat the same food. We talked about what is ok to say for me and what triggers her.
And she asked me not to gife her food when I make a birthday present or whatever.

I think just being there for her if she wants to talk is the best thing you can do at the moment. Sometimes it's all we can do and it might not feel like you are doing much, but it can mean a lot to your friend. I know it felt like a lot to me when I was feeling unwell and my best friend was just there for me.

Laura